86 days

Court did not go as we planned today.

When I picked him up on our way home, fear squeezed my heart. All afternoon, we took turns holding him.

We prayed. I read the Bible. As I opened the pages, I breathed, "Lord, whisper sweet peace to me."


Philippians (my favorite book), Chapter 4. Selected verses:

4 - Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice
6 - Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God
7 - And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus
11 - Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content
13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me
19 - But my God shall supply all your need, according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus
20 - Now unto God and our Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.


As I looked at his sleeping, sweet face, I thought, If we have to give him up in a couple of days, how will we do that?

Then, our caseworker called. Baby J would have to leave tonight. In one hour.

The minutes were precious. I kissed him over and over. Bryan held him as I gathered some clothes and necessities. I took him back again.

And then he was gone.

Baby J's father and his father's family are so happy to have him. I don't blame them. He is a very special little boy. They had been hurting like we hurt now.

Yes, there is a very small chance we could get him back. But it may be only temporary. So our prayer is this: that God could heal our hearts; that God would give Baby J's father the wisdom and love to raise him well; and that Baby J will somehow remember those prayers whispered in his ear and someday serve our Savior.

86 days. Long enough to fall in love. Long enough to hurt on the 87th day.

Progress (of some kind)

We are, at last, moving forward. We received test results last week, so Baby J spent some time with his birthfather today. Next week, we have court again. There probably will be nothing new, though we are hoping that the scheduled hearing actually takes place (last time, the hearing was cancelled).

We still have no idea what will happen. Our caseworker told us to pray that whatever happens is the best thing for Baby J.

He is such a blessing to us (smiling, laughing, oozing cuteness, sleeping through the night, cuddling, etc.). We feel so grateful to have the opportunity to take care of him.

I will try to post an Internet-appropriate vague response after court next week.