Our agency received our dossier and sent it on its merry way to Poland.
I am not sure what happens next. Perhaps we will get an official notification that we're officially waiting. We do have to have six months between children, so we will not be getting any additional children until October.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Aberle, Party of...Three
Sometimes things don't really go like you planned. Or, if you're like me, things definitely don't go the way you planned, so you made plan B. And just when you got used to plan B, plan C appeared. And while you're trying to discover how you feel about Plan C, Plan D arrives on the scene.
I don't know which plan we're really on. I've lost count.
About two weeks ago, our adoption agency contacted us. "There's an almost two-year-old Polish boy available with some special needs. Are you interested in seeing his information?"
We were. This was not what we had planned. In some ways it was better. We would have him home in April or May. He was significantly younger than we'd thought. But we weren't sure he would have the best opportunities here, with us. Were we capable of being the parents he needed?
The same day we received videos of him (and what a sweetie! what a personality! I love him), we got a phone call from someone else. For the last five months, we were being considered to adopt a local infant. It fell through in December and we decided to move on.
Now, they were desperately looking for someone to take this child (not yet born, due in April). The people they'd originally selected were not working out.
But the problem was that if we said yes to one child, we had to say no to the other. We could not (were not allowed to) take both.
I find no words to describe how difficult and painful this decision was for us. For one thing, it made look at myself and my motives, my desires and my plans. I thought I had reconciled that the way I had wanted to build a family was not the way that God wanted to build our family. I thought I was trusting God to take care of it, but I realized that it hurt me very deeply that we were being asked to make a decision like this.
What kind of crazy world is this? I wondered. What IS the right thing to do? Bryan and I were not prepared for this emotional turmoil. We thought that we would be overjoyed (and a little scared) about seeing the information on our children for the first time. We thought it would be exciting.
It wasn't like that. I still struggle to name the source of this pain. I opened up an email this afternoon from a friend who has both adopted children and biological children. She said that there is physical travail in childbirth and emotional travail in adoption. While I haven't experienced childbirth, I imagine this anguish in our hearts in similar to the pain of that.
We don't have an amazing story that lend us to make our decision. We hope we're making the right one. All I can say is that we feel God's comfort and embrace. Last week, our hearts were anxious and overwhelmed. Today, we're still wondering exactly what the future holds, we still have a lot of decisions to make (and not a lot of time to make them), and we are nervous about being parents. (My word, how do people do this and survive?).
One of things I read this week was, if God is not Master of ALL, He is not Master AT ALL. And that is giving us strength to go on. Even though this is painful for us, and even though it seems like a big decision and even though we understand so little, it's not big at all compared to what others are going through.
So, yes, Lord willing, we will become a party of three in April. We opted for the infant (also a boy!). We feel like we let the Polish boy down, but I got an email this morning that there is a Polish couple interested in him. Yes, his agency preferred the US because they thought he would have more opportunities, but we're happy that he will have parents who love him.
Things could still fall through for the infant. It's a complicated situation that makes it more high-risk than some, but we will trust that if this boy is ours, it will all work out. We pray for his birthparents and we're grateful they have made this decision to entrust him to us.
I don't know which plan we're really on. I've lost count.
About two weeks ago, our adoption agency contacted us. "There's an almost two-year-old Polish boy available with some special needs. Are you interested in seeing his information?"
We were. This was not what we had planned. In some ways it was better. We would have him home in April or May. He was significantly younger than we'd thought. But we weren't sure he would have the best opportunities here, with us. Were we capable of being the parents he needed?
The same day we received videos of him (and what a sweetie! what a personality! I love him), we got a phone call from someone else. For the last five months, we were being considered to adopt a local infant. It fell through in December and we decided to move on.
Now, they were desperately looking for someone to take this child (not yet born, due in April). The people they'd originally selected were not working out.
But the problem was that if we said yes to one child, we had to say no to the other. We could not (were not allowed to) take both.
I find no words to describe how difficult and painful this decision was for us. For one thing, it made look at myself and my motives, my desires and my plans. I thought I had reconciled that the way I had wanted to build a family was not the way that God wanted to build our family. I thought I was trusting God to take care of it, but I realized that it hurt me very deeply that we were being asked to make a decision like this.
What kind of crazy world is this? I wondered. What IS the right thing to do? Bryan and I were not prepared for this emotional turmoil. We thought that we would be overjoyed (and a little scared) about seeing the information on our children for the first time. We thought it would be exciting.
It wasn't like that. I still struggle to name the source of this pain. I opened up an email this afternoon from a friend who has both adopted children and biological children. She said that there is physical travail in childbirth and emotional travail in adoption. While I haven't experienced childbirth, I imagine this anguish in our hearts in similar to the pain of that.
We don't have an amazing story that lend us to make our decision. We hope we're making the right one. All I can say is that we feel God's comfort and embrace. Last week, our hearts were anxious and overwhelmed. Today, we're still wondering exactly what the future holds, we still have a lot of decisions to make (and not a lot of time to make them), and we are nervous about being parents. (My word, how do people do this and survive?).
One of things I read this week was, if God is not Master of ALL, He is not Master AT ALL. And that is giving us strength to go on. Even though this is painful for us, and even though it seems like a big decision and even though we understand so little, it's not big at all compared to what others are going through.
So, yes, Lord willing, we will become a party of three in April. We opted for the infant (also a boy!). We feel like we let the Polish boy down, but I got an email this morning that there is a Polish couple interested in him. Yes, his agency preferred the US because they thought he would have more opportunities, but we're happy that he will have parents who love him.
Things could still fall through for the infant. It's a complicated situation that makes it more high-risk than some, but we will trust that if this boy is ours, it will all work out. We pray for his birthparents and we're grateful they have made this decision to entrust him to us.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Dossier in the mail!
We received our last piece of paperwork (with appropriate seal) today, so our dossier will be mailed off to Washington state and our adoption agency tomorrow.
The dossier will be translated into Polish and go into Poland soon. Then we officially begin waiting.
Are you wondering what a dossier is? What kind of paperwork is inside?
Well, if you are (oops! even if you aren't), here is a list:
Homestudy (includes information on family, our marriage and financial picture, juicy reading, selling copies for $25 each)
Background checks
A letter from our bank regarding our stellar checking account balanceoverdrafts omitted due to subtraction errors
Physician letters
Homestudy agency licenses
Birth Certificates
Marriage certificate
House deed
Tax return
Passport pictures (I hope no one looks at these; I can't imagine anyone approving us to be parents after looking at them)
Employment verification letters
Reference letters
And adoption training certificates
Whew. Lots of information. In onelittle big envelope. This envelope holds within its manila depths the culmination of 9 months of work. We never dreamed it would take this long, but we're glad it's done.
We have some major decisions to make that have ramifications either way, so our stress level is high. We are praying for wisdom. Soon, we'll share some of those things. In the meanwhile, let's take a humor break, shall we?
When I get stressed, I go into big picture mode. Bryan goes into detail-oriented mode. Here's what I mean (and I am totally NOT making this up): when we are having company, I do crazy things like, well, washing dishes, making sure all the dust bunnies are under the bed where they belong (not out in the open), and that the laundry is put away. Bryan can't get the dirty kitchen cabinet handles out of his mind. He scrubs them with a toothbrush. After that, he usually will clean a part of the house that company will not see (such as the basement laundry room or even the detached garage).
Folks, I am not complaining. I am grateful that he cleans. He does a really, really good job. In fact, he's downright amazing.
I believe this de-stress detour may have helped. Thanks for sharing this with us.
The dossier will be translated into Polish and go into Poland soon. Then we officially begin waiting.
Are you wondering what a dossier is? What kind of paperwork is inside?
Well, if you are (oops! even if you aren't), here is a list:
Homestudy (includes information on family, our marriage and financial picture, juicy reading, selling copies for $25 each)
Background checks
A letter from our bank regarding our stellar checking account balance
Physician letters
Homestudy agency licenses
Birth Certificates
Marriage certificate
House deed
Tax return
Passport pictures (I hope no one looks at these; I can't imagine anyone approving us to be parents after looking at them)
Employment verification letters
Reference letters
And adoption training certificates
Whew. Lots of information. In one
We have some major decisions to make that have ramifications either way, so our stress level is high. We are praying for wisdom. Soon, we'll share some of those things. In the meanwhile, let's take a humor break, shall we?
When I get stressed, I go into big picture mode. Bryan goes into detail-oriented mode. Here's what I mean (and I am totally NOT making this up): when we are having company, I do crazy things like, well, washing dishes, making sure all the dust bunnies are under the bed where they belong (not out in the open), and that the laundry is put away. Bryan can't get the dirty kitchen cabinet handles out of his mind. He scrubs them with a toothbrush. After that, he usually will clean a part of the house that company will not see (such as the basement laundry room or even the detached garage).
Folks, I am not complaining. I am grateful that he cleans. He does a really, really good job. In fact, he's downright amazing.
I believe this de-stress detour may have helped. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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