Rollercoaster

I've never liked rollercoasters. Never. Even as a teenager when most kids like plunging suddenly, flipping upside down and whipping around corners at breakneck speeds. Not me.

But we're on one now - wow, are we ever. Without putting too many details in so public a place, I've been up since 2:30 this morning, sorting through baby clothes, sweeping, cleaning the bathroom, washing dishes and sorting laundry.

Today I've heard the baby's heartbeat, and I hope I can see him on a sonogram later.

But will we ever get to hold him?

Adoption Update

The only indication that we're getting closer (perhaps, I must always insert perhaps) to a baby is the four tubs of boy clothes on the family room floor I am going through. The crib is up, but then, it's always up.

Otherwise, we've done nothing. Sometimes I sit in a chair, pretending I need to rest my swollen feet and ankles :). I don't have swollen feet and ankles, of course, but resting is nice.

Bryan and I were chatting last night. We both agreed we feel out of control. A phone call to the lawyer yesterday revealed that we were at a standstill. We wish we would be making progress with the paperwork, but he's trying. We called the birthmother last night and felt better after talking to her. She said we could come to the hospital when she's in labor, if we want to. We do. 

I wonder if other expectant parents feel the way we feel now. Not knowing when the phone call will come. Not knowing where we'll be. Wondering if we should take our family trip the first weekend in April or if he'll be born when we're hours from home. Wondering what he'll look like or how his personality will be.

Not knowing if we will be bringing him home.

I am trying to stay busy, but not too busy. I want to savor the last few weeks of being with Bryan without the distraction of a child. I want to enjoy throwing myself into my job and serving my students. I want to give myself a crash course on being more selfless, loving, tender, patient, and kind. I want to look forward in great anticipation to meeting our son. I want to have time to really (and I mean, REALLY) think about our parental responsibilities.

Still waiting.

Dossier is on its way to Poland

Our agency received our dossier and sent it on its merry way to Poland.

I am not sure what happens next. Perhaps we will get an official notification that we're officially waiting. We do have to have six months between children, so we will not be getting any additional children until October.

Aberle, Party of...Three

Sometimes things don't really go like you planned. Or, if you're like me, things definitely don't go the way you planned, so you made plan B. And just when you got used to plan B, plan C appeared. And while you're trying to discover how you feel about Plan C, Plan D arrives on the scene.

I don't know which plan we're really on. I've lost count.

About two weeks ago, our adoption agency contacted us. "There's an almost two-year-old Polish boy available with some special needs. Are you interested in seeing his information?"

We were. This was not what we had planned. In some ways it was better. We would have him home in April or May. He was significantly younger than we'd thought. But we weren't sure he would have the best opportunities here, with us. Were we capable of being the parents he needed?

The same day we received videos of him (and what a sweetie! what a personality! I love him), we got a phone call from someone else. For the last five months, we were being considered to adopt a local infant. It fell through in December and we decided to move on.

Now, they were desperately looking for someone to take this child (not yet born, due in April). The people they'd originally selected were not working out.

But the problem was that if we said yes to one child, we had to say no to the other. We could not (were not allowed to) take both.

I find no words to describe how difficult and painful this decision was for us. For one thing, it made look at myself and my motives, my desires and my plans. I thought I had reconciled that the way I had wanted to build a family was not the way that God wanted to build our family. I thought I was trusting God to take care of it, but I realized that it hurt me very deeply that we were being asked to make a decision like this.

What kind of crazy world is this? I wondered. What IS the right thing to do? Bryan and I were not prepared for this emotional turmoil. We thought that we would be overjoyed (and a little scared) about seeing the information on our children for the first time. We thought it would be exciting.

It wasn't like that. I still struggle to name the source of this pain. I opened up an email this afternoon from a friend who has both adopted children and biological children. She said that there is physical travail in childbirth and emotional travail in adoption. While I haven't experienced childbirth, I imagine this anguish in our hearts in similar to the pain of that.

We don't have an amazing story that lend us to make our decision. We hope we're making the right one. All I can say is that we feel God's comfort and embrace. Last week, our hearts were anxious and overwhelmed. Today, we're still wondering exactly what the future holds, we still have a lot of decisions to make (and not a lot of time to make them), and we are nervous about being parents. (My word, how do people do this and survive?).

One of things I read this week was, if God is not Master of ALL, He is not Master AT ALL. And that is giving us strength to go on. Even though this is painful for us, and even though it seems like a big decision and even though we understand so little, it's not big at all compared to what others are going through.

So, yes, Lord willing, we will become a party of three in April. We opted for the infant (also a boy!). We feel like we let the Polish boy down, but I got an email this morning that there is a Polish couple interested in him. Yes, his agency preferred the US because they thought he would have more opportunities, but we're happy that he will have parents who love him.

Things could still fall through for the infant. It's a complicated situation that makes it more high-risk than some, but we will trust that if this boy is ours, it will all work out. We pray for his birthparents and we're grateful they have made this decision to entrust him to us.

Dossier in the mail!

We received our last piece of paperwork (with appropriate seal) today, so our dossier will be mailed off to Washington state and our adoption agency tomorrow.
The dossier will be translated into Polish and go into Poland soon. Then we officially begin waiting.
Are you wondering what a dossier is? What kind of paperwork is inside?
Well, if you are (oops! even if you aren't), here is a list:
Homestudy (includes information on family, our marriage and financial picture, juicy reading, selling copies for $25 each)
Background checks
A letter from our bank regarding our stellar checking account balance overdrafts omitted due to subtraction errors
Physician letters
Homestudy agency licenses
Birth Certificates
Marriage certificate
House deed
Tax return
Passport pictures (I hope no one looks at these; I can't imagine anyone approving us to be parents after looking at them)
Employment verification letters
Reference letters
And adoption training certificates

Whew. Lots of information. In one little big envelope. This envelope holds within its manila depths the culmination of 9 months of work. We never dreamed it would take this long, but we're glad it's done.

We have some major decisions to make that have ramifications either way, so our stress level is high. We are praying for wisdom. Soon, we'll share some of those things. In the meanwhile, let's take a humor break, shall we?

When I get stressed, I go into big picture mode. Bryan goes into detail-oriented mode. Here's what I mean (and I am totally NOT making this up): when we are having company, I do crazy things like, well, washing dishes, making sure all the dust bunnies are under the bed where they belong (not out in the open), and that the laundry is put away. Bryan can't get the dirty kitchen cabinet handles out of his mind. He scrubs them with a toothbrush. After that, he usually will clean a part of the house that company will not see (such as the basement laundry room or even the detached garage).

Folks, I am not complaining. I am grateful that he cleans. He does a really, really good job. In fact, he's downright amazing.

I believe this de-stress detour may have helped. Thanks for sharing this with us.

Apostilling Adventure

I drove to Springfield this morning with Mapquest directions to the Secretary of State's (will be identified as "SOS" from now on) office in hand. Everything was great until I pulled up next to the Capital building. I looked at my paper. 0.1 miles, your destination is on your right. I looked at my right. The Capital building again. How strange.

I kept driving, getting into the 200 block, then 300. I called the SOS office. "Um, hello, I am trying to find your building? And I'm having trouble?"

I'm not a customer service expert, but let's just say that the receptionist had a voice that made me think, well, that she didn't like talking to lost people.

In a monotone, "We're the building north of the Capital."

"And how about parking?"

"Parking behind the building is for state employees. There is metered parking in front you can use."

That was great, just great. I normally NEVER carry cash, but today, thinking ahead, I had slipped some greenbacks in my purse. The only problem was that I had one nickel and 6 pennies.

Which, in case you're wondering, is not enough to park. So I did what anyone would do. I drove around to find a McDonald's to buy a frappe I didn't want with money I didn't want to spend. The first funny thing was that I only had $50s. (I feel the need to mention this is unusual, too. I don't want you to think this is our normal currency of choice, but I happened to do a favor for a friend and this was my payment. Oh, the friend's number is - haha, just kidding. It was a good favor.) I paid with a $50. It seemed ridiculous.

So I bought the frappe (mindlessly) and while waiting, I happened to glance down in my hand. My change include one quarter. One! 


I figured, being across from the Capital, that one quarter wouldn't even be close to what I needed. So....

"Ma'am, is there any way you can give me 4 quarters for a dollar?"

She looked at me and was polite. "Yes, but you'll have to wait until my drawer is open again."

So I affixed a grin to my face while I waited for the next customer.

I got four quarters.

Then I set out to try to find the SOS building.

North of the Capital? That meant it was on the...left. And there it was.

I found a meter, gave it three quarters (which happened to give me 1.5 hours. Sorry, congresspeople. I shouldn't have assumed it would be inflated), and met the very (?) friendly receptionist. I didn't see a smile. Come to think of it, I didn't see a frown either. Just...nothing.

This story has already dragged on too long, but since I don't post often, you don't care, right? Right?

The lady who did the apostilling was very nice. Five documents had to be notarized or renotarized for various reasons (the notary was very friendly, too) and 24 documents were apostilled. My birth certificate, since it was from Ohio, can't be apostilled in Illinois. So I have to mail it to Ohio.  Tangent: that means I can't send all this paperwork off to Washington yet. Maybe next week. But the seals on our paperwork look very pretty.

While sitting there (it took awhile - 9 minutes left on the meter when I went back out), I had the opportunity to observe. The funniest thing of the whole day was an exchange between a worker and someone on the phone.

The worker got more and more irritated with the caller. Lots of huffing, sighs, etc.

Finally, the worker said, "Thanks for your advice!" and she hung up.

When she got off the phone, she told her coworker, "That person gave me some customer service advice, so I thought they would like to talk to a dial tone!"

Mercifully, this is the end of the story.

Approval letter received!

How exciting! Today we received our approval letter.

Tomorrow I will email all our documents to our adoption agency to make sure we have everything. Then they will get apostilled. THEN they go to Poland.

I am grateful to have this letter a week before I expected it :).