The End of Summer, the Beginning of School

I am not an exciting mother. I forgot how to play a long time ago, so when they ask me to play with them, I'm kind of clueless.

"Mom, can you play Legos with us?"

"Uh, what do I do?"

"Take this plane and fly to Florida. It's in the living room. Then you will need to get $2000 and give it me. The bank is in the kitchen."

I would like to be a fun mom and have all these plans of cool crafts and stuff but I don't. And I'm not. I would like to be more selfless and more willing to serve my family with grace and gentleness. I truly admire mothers who are like this. But it's not me. In fact, if mothering styles were pieces of clothing, I would be at the bottom of the laundry basket, the last resort, rumpled, stained, and maybe a few holes. It ain't pretty, but it gets the job done. Hopefully I improve with age and practice.

That's why I think this next story is funny.

This week, I ran out of clean plates. 20+ years ago, my mom served a normal, every day meal on her china. It made such an impression on me that I can still remember how the Betty Ford Chicken looked on the pale blue and pink china.

Out of plates? Why not improvise by making the meal special? So I dragged out cloth napkins, my Target fake china, good silverware, wine goblets, and my special carafe for water.

"What are you doing?!" the kids asked.

When Bryan got home, they dragged him to look at the table. "Mom's crazy! Look at this!"

Nothing like a little fake china, hot dogs and tator tots to create some memories :).

During the last couple of weeks, things kept getting more and more normal. David threw clean clothes down the laundry shoot, so he didn't have to put them away upstairs. Our house also has only baby toys, is boring, there aren't enough kids, I never let them do anything, and they never get to have any fun. Oh, and they're tired of me being their boss and want to eat more chips, even when dinnertime is just an hour away. Doesn't that sound refreshingly normal :)?

They had been getting more and more ready for school to start, even if they didn't know it. In fact, Monday, our last day to play at home all day long, was kind of painful. They were driving each other crazy, and me, too. In a desperate attempt to preserve my own sanity, I created a Treasure Hunt. It was also to see how much David could read, but please, let's keep that secret between us, okay? Anyway, it took me about an hour to write all the clues and hide them. I purposefully made them jump between all three floors of the house to make them really tired and take more time. At the end, they each had a little prize. It only took 15 minutes :(. Anyway, we survived the day and lived to start school on Wednesday. YAY!

School

Bryan and I are so impressed with the kids' school. We had a meeting last week with a largish group of people who seem really dedicated and interested in making the kids as successful/welcomed as possible.

We've been trying to prep the kids. "If you have to go to the bathroom, what do you do? If you don't understand something, what do you tell your teacher?" They picked their clothes out the night before school started. David even ironed his shirt! And they packed their own lunches. I am sure that's not going to last.

Wednesday was the big day. "Mom!" Hissed a loud voice at 5:07 am, "is it time to get up yet?"

"No, it isn't, David. Not unless you would like to start the laundry, cook breakfast, and set the table. No? Okay, go back to bed."

When I woke up Roxy, she said, "Mom, I'm scared."

Scared or anxious, they gamely got ready and put their brave faces on at some point, so by the time the bus came, neither appeared anxious or looked back. They did wave out the window. Roxy "flagged" the bus down, which I thought was cute. They think it's crazy that they don't have to pay any money to ride the bus.

Two brave kids waiting for the bus.

I don't want to sound like a whiner, so I'll just say it's been a "challenging" summer. Because of that, I may or may not have been (okay, I was) counting down the days until school started...even though I know that time goes by so quickly and you blink and they're driving to school and they don't even take time to tell you that you're boring anymore or that there is nothing to do, because they're so outta here and who wants to be home at all anyway? 

I fully expected to put them on the bus and kick my heels together as I ran back to the house to drink coffee and read my Bible with nothing but excitement for my house that will stay cleaner, the dishwasher that will be empty, the silence. Oh, the beautiful silence. But there was a tiny, tiny piece of my heart that ached a little for my kids to go to a new school where they didn't know many people and don't speak the language super well. It wasn't sadness that the kids would be away from me, but the fact that they were scared and anxious and the best thing was for them to find out that being scared and anxious shouldn't hold you back from testing your wings.

Aaaaaaahhhhh. Peace and quiet.

And did it ever work out. I ate lunch with the kids and they were doing fine. Their teachers said everything was good. Later I found out that David say "Happy Birthday" to a classmate in Polish. When the bus dropped them off, they ran with open arms and backpacks trailing and I could see the excitement on their faces. They faced their fears - and WON!

I heard David talking to the kittens: "Me school today. Had very much fun. I'll be there tomorrow too." He said there wasn't anything he didn't like and that his teacher is good and they read a book called David goes to school. And his teacher emailed me later and said he interacted really well with everyone and kept up with no problems. Roxy's face lit up every time she talked about it. Her teacher said she smiled a lot in the classroom. Roxy was a big fan of the Smart Board. Oh, and me? I did enjoy a quiet day and I look forward to more like it :).

Then the next morning, the principal called me and said that David had led the morning announcements over the intercom. It was probably my proudest moment so far as a parent. When he came home, he acted like it wasn't a big deal.

Discipline

I read or heard that kids who are old enough can pick up your disciplining style in 3 months. I had decided to try to simplify our bedtime routine, so I was no longer going to crawl into Roxy's bed until she fell asleep. She didn't like that.

She narrowed her eyes, held up one index finger, and said very firmly. "Get. Into. Bed. NOOOOOOW." She had to repeat herself several times because I wasn't obeying. With each time, her voice got slower and more enunciated. Finally, she said, "You can get into bed, or you can go take a nap." A nap?! Yes! I wonder where she learned these techniques.

Questions and Misc.

The questions are still flying around here.

"Why do moose live in Canada?"

"Because they don't live in Florida."

"Why?"

"They can't stand flamingos."

"Why?"

"Because they're pink." And then I stop being a smart alec, but only because I am running out of answers. I've also fielded questions on Pearl Harbor, geology, science, religion, and many other subjects. My answers probably just confirm that I don't know very much.

First overnight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All four of us were fighting over the "Who is the most excited for the kids to stay overnight at Grandma's" title. I'm not sure who won the prize, but it went amazingly well. And we're all excited to repeat it :).

My old suitcase when I went to Grandma's. Love sentimental things like that.

Medical Stuff

After more medical appointments than I care to count, we're done for probably about a year. Everything is looking better than we could hope for. Grateful and thankful for that!

New friend

There is a Polish woman who lives close to us and we met her last week. She was wonderful and kind and just like all the other down-to-earth people we met in Poland. She said she is willing to help out with the kids however needed and is planning to give me some recipe ideas. Just one more thing that I am so grateful for.

Another meeting

Today we had an extra meeting with our caseworker to make sure things were going okay. It went really well, and she said the kids seem to be doing fabulously, all things considered. There are some very positive indicators that long-term, we're going to be a healthy family.

Adoption support group

We also attended our first adoption support group. The kids, as always, were nervous to try something new, but ended up having a great time. We worked on games that built connection and attachment. On the way home, David said, "Wow, some of those kids are crazy!" He was right, some of the kids were really active :). My kids aren't perfect, but at least I am starting to understand them a little and know how to handle them sometimes. I'm grateful for them.

This is one of the games we played. Who's your mummy?

End of Summer

This summer has been absolutely crazy, but in a different way. This summer, even though my life felt very full and very stressful (which, frankly, isn't any different from all the other summers in the last decade and a half), I've slowed down. I've spent more time outside, played in a sandbox, walked along country roads dotted with Queen Anne's Lace and oozing tar, riding bikes, playing hide-and-go-seek, checking out locusts and all the other critters the kids are interested in. This week, David found a raccoon skull, for instance. Or playing Tarzan in the haymow. Hopefully next summer will be more normal and less stressful.

Car showers

Well, hello there. It's been awhile. Two weeks, actually.

The journey of adoption (and probably with all parenting) is sometimes three steps forward and two steps back. Or two steps forward and three steps back.

In many ways, earlier this week, it felt like we were moving backward. I have to remind myself daily, sometimes hourly, that the big picture is good, even if the days are very frustrating. While I long to have more patience and experience fewer frustrating moments, it's not coming easily. Is patience a muscle that can be developed? Because if so, I should have very big patience muscles soon.

Language
One area of frustration is the language barrier. It's so much less of a barrier than it was, so why do I get more frustrated? I think because they have enough language to finally ask question after question about their environment. However, the questions are difficult to answer with as little mutual language as we have. I try to answer their questions but it's hard.
Why do horses like apples?
They taste good? I don't know.
Why do monkeys like bananas?
I don't know, maybe they are deficient in potassium?
What's potassium?
Why does Chicago have big (lots of) people?
Because. I never wanted to say "because" as an answer.
Is that a man or a woman? (upon seeing a man with long hair)
A man.
No, that's not a man. Must be a mix.
No, really, he's a man. And Shhhh!.

Maybe I will count how many questions I receive in one hour sometime. It's a lot. But I am glad they ask. They are interested in their environment, in people, in each state (big or small, lots of people or not, do they have cities or not, do they have this animal or not, etc. You get the idea), in jobs people have, if this or that is expensive and how many "bucks" it is.

They were so excited to get "Triple Foam Polish" when we went through the car wash the other day. At first, I couldn't understand why they were so excited.  They love the car wash. The other day one of them said, "Can we give the car a shower today, Mom?"

I realize how crazy the English language must sound to them. "No! Please don't put flowers in our pancakes!" They can't hear the difference between thirty and forty, etc. When we met them, David had a more extensive English vocabulary while Roxy knew some numbers and colors. Now I think her comprehension is greater than his, though she doesn't always choose to talk.

Misc
My last day as a full time person was this week. I am relieved to have survived the semester, but sad to see it end. It was a fulfilling chapter in my life, and that doesn't even begin to describe it. I love those students of mine.

Our two apple trees produced enough apples to make lots of applesauce this year. First time.

Bryan captured a swarm of bees. First time.

Lots of prep work paid off with two very well-behaved kids at the dentist. We'll see how the cavity filling goes. Yikes!

Roxy made it through Sunday School without me last week for the first time.

The kids were introduced to Gene's Ice Cream.

Her hair also met the wrong end of a nest of cockleburrs. She has less hair now than she used to.

Food
The kids wanted to make a meal they often ate at the institution. Heat up some milk. Tear a piece of bread into small pieces, add a spoonful of sugar and cover it all with the warm milk. I was forced to try it and, you know, it was actually pretty good. We also made cold beet salad (mine was not as good as what we had in Poland. It was my favorite thing we had in Poland. Beet Salad. Weird, right?) and Cauliflower soup.

A friend from work gave us a Polish cookbook. The kids were so excited to thumb through and look at different recipes. Our first recipe was Gołąbki, cabbage rolls fills with ground beef, caramelized onions, and rice with a tomato-butter sauce. I decided that we would donate a Polish meal to our local Nursing Home's benefit dinner this fall. So if you would like a dinner for 8, served by 2 cute Polish-Americans, buy it!

Discovering that they liked soggy things, I decided to introduce them to my all-time favorite snack, the snack which Bryan claims he can't watch anyone eat or else he throws up...Graham crackers and milk! They loved it. I knew they were smart. Bryan can't believe he is so outnumbered by the graham cracker crowd.

They are eating better, though David still doesn't like eating pork, and sometimes other meat, too. He refused to each peaches, until I bribed (I didn't want to bribe my kids either!) him the other day to try them. He ate five today. I think he likes them. They aren't snacking as often which is nice. They used to open the fridge so often that we shut the air conditioning off in the kitchen. Just kidding.

School stuff

Since April, I've been in phone conversations with the principal of their elementary school. We finally took a tour of the school this week...and I am so excited, because it seems like such a sweet little school! I am looking forward to seeing them learn, hoping to watch them blossom, and just see how this next change affects them.

David is apprehensive, but we'll go back at least twice before school actually starts. Roxy is excited and asks often when "Bus School" starts.

Roxy learned to tie her shoes. I showed her once, I talked her through it once, and the third time, she waved me away. "Don't tell me, just watch." She had it. Amazing.

The final word

In the span of 10 minutes recently, 10 different people asked how we were doing, and I think I gave 10 different answers. It's been a long 100+ days, so I am not articulate. I can't verbalize all the different facets of adoption..how you can look at the same picture every day and see all the different pieces that create your family. Challenging. Sleep depriving. Tear inducing. Frustrating. Humbling. Encouraging. Inspiring.

After a rough day, Bryan said, "You know we're making progress, don't you?"

And we are. In every single way that I can think of, the kids are demonstrating a healthy attachment, their anxiety seems to be dialing down, and they seem to feel secure enough to continue to share their memories with us. While we can still remember what it was like to clean the house and have it stay cleaned, or to have a quiet meal where we actually carried on a conversation, or have the lights on in only the rooms we were in, our house now? Well, that's just us. We are a family.

In the middle of a frustrating day, David was looking for a missing Lego and I was looking for my purse. In no time, we found both. "Small problems," I said.  "In this family," David said, "we have small problems. That's very good."

With his comment, the light broke through my frustration. Maybe we really are making progress! 

It's hard to feel the progress. But tonight I finally downloaded our Poland trip pictures to my computer. As I looked through the pictures, I recalled details of our first meeting, the hours we spent together, the first night they stayed with us, the day Aberle, Party of 4 became official.

We didn't know each other well then. Now I know their expressions, their likes and dislikes, sometimes I can predict how they will react to things. We are developing our own family inside jokes. But most of all, even though we have a long way to go, we're learning to love each other in the way we need to be loved.