The journey of adoption (and probably with all parenting) is sometimes three steps forward and two steps back. Or two steps forward and three steps back.
In many ways, earlier this week, it felt like we were moving backward. I have to remind myself daily, sometimes hourly, that the big picture is good, even if the days are very frustrating. While I long to have more patience and experience fewer frustrating moments, it's not coming easily. Is patience a muscle that can be developed? Because if so, I should have very big patience muscles soon.
Language
One area of frustration is the language barrier. It's so much less of a barrier than it was, so why do I get more frustrated? I think because they have enough language to finally ask question after question about their environment. However, the questions are difficult to answer with as little mutual language as we have. I try to answer their questions but it's hard.
Why do horses like apples?
They taste good? I don't know.
Why do monkeys like bananas?
I don't know, maybe they are deficient in potassium?
What's potassium?
Why does Chicago have big (lots of) people?
Because. I never wanted to say "because" as an answer.
Is that a man or a woman? (upon seeing a man with long hair)
A man.
No, that's not a man. Must be a mix.
No, really, he's a man. And Shhhh!.
Maybe I will count how many questions I receive in one hour sometime. It's a lot. But I am glad they ask. They are interested in their environment, in people, in each state (big or small, lots of people or not, do they have cities or not, do they have this animal or not, etc. You get the idea), in jobs people have, if this or that is expensive and how many "bucks" it is.
They were so excited to get "Triple Foam Polish" when we went through the car wash the other day. At first, I couldn't understand why they were so excited. They love the car wash. The other day one of them said, "Can we give the car a shower today, Mom?"
I realize how crazy the English language must sound to them. "No! Please don't put flowers in our pancakes!" They can't hear the difference between thirty and forty, etc. When we met them, David had a more extensive English vocabulary while Roxy knew some numbers and colors. Now I think her comprehension is greater than his, though she doesn't always choose to talk.
Misc
My last day as a full time person was this week. I am relieved to have survived the semester, but sad to see it end. It was a fulfilling chapter in my life, and that doesn't even begin to describe it. I love those students of mine.
Our two apple trees produced enough apples to make lots of applesauce this year. First time.
Bryan captured a swarm of bees. First time.
Lots of prep work paid off with two very well-behaved kids at the dentist. We'll see how the cavity filling goes. Yikes!
Roxy made it through Sunday School without me last week for the first time.
The kids were introduced to Gene's Ice Cream.
Her hair also met the wrong end of a nest of cockleburrs. She has less hair now than she used to.
Food
The kids wanted to make a meal they often ate at the institution. Heat up some milk. Tear a piece of bread into small pieces, add a spoonful of sugar and cover it all with the warm milk. I was forced to try it and, you know, it was actually pretty good. We also made cold beet salad (mine was not as good as what we had in Poland. It was my favorite thing we had in Poland. Beet Salad. Weird, right?) and Cauliflower soup.
A friend from work gave us a Polish cookbook. The kids were so excited to thumb through and look at different recipes. Our first recipe was Gołąbki, cabbage rolls fills with ground beef, caramelized onions, and rice with a tomato-butter sauce. I decided that we would donate a Polish meal to our local Nursing Home's benefit dinner this fall. So if you would like a dinner for 8, served by 2 cute Polish-Americans, buy it!
Discovering that they liked soggy things, I decided to introduce them to my all-time favorite snack, the snack which Bryan claims he can't watch anyone eat or else he throws up...Graham crackers and milk! They loved it. I knew they were smart. Bryan can't believe he is so outnumbered by the graham cracker crowd.
They are eating better, though David still doesn't like eating pork, and sometimes other meat, too. He refused to each peaches, until I bribed (I didn't want to bribe my kids either!) him the other day to try them. He ate five today. I think he likes them. They aren't snacking as often which is nice. They used to open the fridge so often that we shut the air conditioning off in the kitchen. Just kidding.
School stuff
Since April, I've been in phone conversations with the principal of their elementary school. We finally took a tour of the school this week...and I am so excited, because it seems like such a sweet little school! I am looking forward to seeing them learn, hoping to watch them blossom, and just see how this next change affects them.
David is apprehensive, but we'll go back at least twice before school actually starts. Roxy is excited and asks often when "Bus School" starts.
Roxy learned to tie her shoes. I showed her once, I talked her through it once, and the third time, she waved me away. "Don't tell me, just watch." She had it. Amazing.
The final word
In the span of 10 minutes recently, 10 different people asked how we were doing, and I think I gave 10 different answers. It's been a long 100+ days, so I am not articulate. I can't verbalize all the different facets of adoption..how you can look at the same picture every day and see all the different pieces that create your family. Challenging. Sleep depriving. Tear inducing. Frustrating. Humbling. Encouraging. Inspiring.
After a rough day, Bryan said, "You know we're making progress, don't you?"
And we are. In every single way that I can think of, the kids are demonstrating a healthy attachment, their anxiety seems to be dialing down, and they seem to feel secure enough to continue to share their memories with us. While we can still remember what it was like to clean the house and have it stay cleaned, or to have a quiet meal where we actually carried on a conversation, or have the lights on in only the rooms we were in, our house now? Well, that's just us. We are a family.
In the middle of a frustrating day, David was looking for a missing Lego and I was looking for my purse. In no time, we found both. "Small problems," I said. "In this family," David said, "we have small problems. That's very good."
With his comment, the light broke through my frustration. Maybe we really are making progress!
It's hard to feel the progress. But tonight I finally downloaded our Poland trip pictures to my computer. As I looked through the pictures, I recalled details of our first meeting, the hours we spent together, the first night they stayed with us, the day Aberle, Party of 4 became official.
We didn't know each other well then. Now I know their expressions, their likes and dislikes, sometimes I can predict how they will react to things. We are developing our own family inside jokes. But most of all, even though we have a long way to go, we're learning to love each other in the way we need to be loved.
It sounds like you guys are doing awesome at attaching and becoming a family! I loved reading your update and seeing how well things are going. If there weren't setbacks along the way, you wouldn't appreciate the good, funny times as much. Keep up the great work.
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