You'll forgive the lack of witty titles, won't you?
My mind is thinking about other things.
We don't know much more. We met with our caseworker today. She has to update our home study, then send it to the state of Illinois.
In the meantime, we're waiting for a package from Poland to be sent to our agency. Once they receive that, we can submit our USCIS (federal) forms.
Other than that, most of my work will be figuring out how to deal with the language barrier, talking to the school about ESL issues, and scheduling doctors' appointments.
Yesterday, I scheduled a doctor's appointment for our daughter. It's not until we get back, of course, but talk about a surreal moment!
I expect that we will get our travel dates next week, but I'm not really sure. Today, our agency said they "hoped" we would be home by Christmas. If that's true, we will probably be leaving sooner than I thought.
I also asked our agency if the children knew they were being adopted. She wasn't sure, but said they would know soon if they didn't already.
She suggested that I create photobooks to be sent over, so they could start getting used to what their life will look like.
I can't even imagine how scary this will be for them, but within a year or two, I hope we (and they) will be adjusted.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Aberle, Party of Four!
On August 30, I opened yet another email from our agency.
"What do you think of these children?" the email said.
They were cute, but older than we had planned. We asked for more information, including videos of them.
Then we waited.
And waited some more.
Finally, on September 25 (which happens to be our 7th anniversary <3), we saw videos of the children. Up to that point, we (just being honest) weren't thrilled. It's really scary to think about becoming instant parents of children who might have a few problems, who don't speak your language, who will probably always need a little extra help with school, and so on.
We're very aware of the risks of adopting older children, and we've tried to think of everything we would have to deal with. We have talked to other parents who have adopted older children, we had their records evaluated by experts, but we know there will be challenges we haven't even thought of.
Starting when we saw the videos and continuing over the next few days, though, those children became our children.
So, today, we said yes.
The next few weeks will be a flurry of activity, as we prepare our paperwork to get them. Though we aren't sure of the actual date we will be leaving, we think we will be leaving in 8 weeks (I'll update that when I know). We also haven't decided whether we will stay in Poland for 5-6 weeks and then bring them home...or if we will go over there for two weeks, home for two weeks, and then go back for two weeks to get them.
We can't post any identifying information, so if you want to see pictures, or know their names or ages, you will have to ask us in person.
In any event, we are so thankful to have a son and a daughter, even though they are thousands of miles away from us. Please pray for us, that we may have the wisdom and the patience to give them what they need.
"What do you think of these children?" the email said.
They were cute, but older than we had planned. We asked for more information, including videos of them.
Then we waited.
And waited some more.
Finally, on September 25 (which happens to be our 7th anniversary <3), we saw videos of the children. Up to that point, we (just being honest) weren't thrilled. It's really scary to think about becoming instant parents of children who might have a few problems, who don't speak your language, who will probably always need a little extra help with school, and so on.
We're very aware of the risks of adopting older children, and we've tried to think of everything we would have to deal with. We have talked to other parents who have adopted older children, we had their records evaluated by experts, but we know there will be challenges we haven't even thought of.
Starting when we saw the videos and continuing over the next few days, though, those children became our children.
So, today, we said yes.
The next few weeks will be a flurry of activity, as we prepare our paperwork to get them. Though we aren't sure of the actual date we will be leaving, we think we will be leaving in 8 weeks (I'll update that when I know). We also haven't decided whether we will stay in Poland for 5-6 weeks and then bring them home...or if we will go over there for two weeks, home for two weeks, and then go back for two weeks to get them.
We can't post any identifying information, so if you want to see pictures, or know their names or ages, you will have to ask us in person.
In any event, we are so thankful to have a son and a daughter, even though they are thousands of miles away from us. Please pray for us, that we may have the wisdom and the patience to give them what they need.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Enjoying Baby J as we wait...
In early August, our agency emailed us pictures of a Polish sibling group who was out of our parameters in two ways. While overwhelmed at first, we told our agency we were interested in at least considering this family. Our agency responded that there were actually three families interested in this family, so the Polish authorities would decide who would get the referral.
We waited a few weeks and, finally, last Monday our agency responded that the referral would be given to another family. We were disappointed, but know that the Polish authorities made their decision in the best interests of the children.
On the same day, another family was united with their daughter.
One of my favorite craft bloggers posted about the day they met their daughter, and she shared a picture of her husband holding their new, sleeping daughter (they suspect this is the first time that she was ever held as she went to sleep).
As I looked at this picture of a man holding a little girl, halfway across the world, evidence of tears lining his cheeks, I got impatient to meet our own child/ren.
By Wednesday, I was really missing Baby J so I contacted his dad to see if we could watch him again soon. I ended up picking him up on Thursday and we just took him back this afternoon.
It was so great to have him. People ask if it's hard to have him for a little while and then take him back. Obviously, we would prefer to have him all the time, but we know his dad doesn't have to ever let us see him, so we feel so grateful to get the chance to be a part of his life, if only for a few days here and there.
Maybe it won't be good for him to spend time with us as time goes on, but right now, we'll take him as often as we can. Which might be quite often. His dad asked us today if we would be interested in watching him some weekends while he works. So if you're a local, you may be seeing more of him.
We spent yesterday evening at our cousins' house and he happily entertained himself all evening. He is such a cute (and growing) little sweetheart.
We waited a few weeks and, finally, last Monday our agency responded that the referral would be given to another family. We were disappointed, but know that the Polish authorities made their decision in the best interests of the children.
On the same day, another family was united with their daughter.
One of my favorite craft bloggers posted about the day they met their daughter, and she shared a picture of her husband holding their new, sleeping daughter (they suspect this is the first time that she was ever held as she went to sleep).
As I looked at this picture of a man holding a little girl, halfway across the world, evidence of tears lining his cheeks, I got impatient to meet our own child/ren.
By Wednesday, I was really missing Baby J so I contacted his dad to see if we could watch him again soon. I ended up picking him up on Thursday and we just took him back this afternoon.
It was so great to have him. People ask if it's hard to have him for a little while and then take him back. Obviously, we would prefer to have him all the time, but we know his dad doesn't have to ever let us see him, so we feel so grateful to get the chance to be a part of his life, if only for a few days here and there.
Maybe it won't be good for him to spend time with us as time goes on, but right now, we'll take him as often as we can. Which might be quite often. His dad asked us today if we would be interested in watching him some weekends while he works. So if you're a local, you may be seeing more of him.
We spent yesterday evening at our cousins' house and he happily entertained himself all evening. He is such a cute (and growing) little sweetheart.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
The Unexpected Gift
The last few weeks have been both harder and easier than I expected. Most days are good; some aren't.
Grief is like that. You get used to a new normal, and life goes on. Then, just when you think it's going okay, you see a picture of him with his birthfather and your heart literally hurts.
The first night we went to bed without him, our lives and home felt so empty. As I struggled to get to sleep, I remembered the song, "He's got the whole world in His hands..." And my mind created a picture of God's huge hands that can hold Baby J wherever he is.
We went to see him five days after he went to live with his father. On the way home, a rainbow was visible for a long time. We both felt that God was whispering to us, "I'm going to make this good."
God's gentleness felt so real. Not that we will get him back necessarily (and as time goes on, it looks very unlikely), but that God loves him, and He loves us, and He has it all under control.
I've had to repeat those words to myself many times, but I always (eventually) end up trusting that it will be okay.
On Saturday, Baby J's birthfather called and asked if we could keep him overnight. We said, "Yes!" without any hesitation, though we both recalled the very painful day when we lost him. Would it be that day all over again?
Having him for a little over 24 hours was a precious gift. To know how precious it was, think of it this way: If you lost a loved one, and you never expected to see them again here on this earth, wouldn't 24 hours with them be incredible? Baby J is still living, so maybe it isn't really the same, but it still felt so good to have him back in our home and in our arms. He's never left our hearts, of course.
He seems happy and healthy which also made me feel better. I think his father is doing the best job he can do under that circumstances. So, no, I don't think we'll get him back. And do we want that? (Yes! Yes, we do on one hand, but...). Is it better for Baby J to grow up with his father? You know what? We don't really know. And I think that's one of the things God's been trying to teach us, that we don't really know everything, so we need to trust him with a capital T.
When we handed him back over to his father, it was okay. I was okay. But three days later, I am missing him again.
We don't know when (or if) we will see him again. His father doesn't have to let us see him, so we appreciate what he has done so far. We offered to babysit once a month, but we don't know if he'll want that.
Once a month...he will change so fast between times. We'll miss so much.
And we miss him so much.
But we're so glad we said yes to having him in our home, even if it was only for a little while, and even if it hurts.
Grief is like that. You get used to a new normal, and life goes on. Then, just when you think it's going okay, you see a picture of him with his birthfather and your heart literally hurts.
The first night we went to bed without him, our lives and home felt so empty. As I struggled to get to sleep, I remembered the song, "He's got the whole world in His hands..." And my mind created a picture of God's huge hands that can hold Baby J wherever he is.
We went to see him five days after he went to live with his father. On the way home, a rainbow was visible for a long time. We both felt that God was whispering to us, "I'm going to make this good."
God's gentleness felt so real. Not that we will get him back necessarily (and as time goes on, it looks very unlikely), but that God loves him, and He loves us, and He has it all under control.
I've had to repeat those words to myself many times, but I always (eventually) end up trusting that it will be okay.
On Saturday, Baby J's birthfather called and asked if we could keep him overnight. We said, "Yes!" without any hesitation, though we both recalled the very painful day when we lost him. Would it be that day all over again?
Having him for a little over 24 hours was a precious gift. To know how precious it was, think of it this way: If you lost a loved one, and you never expected to see them again here on this earth, wouldn't 24 hours with them be incredible? Baby J is still living, so maybe it isn't really the same, but it still felt so good to have him back in our home and in our arms. He's never left our hearts, of course.
He seems happy and healthy which also made me feel better. I think his father is doing the best job he can do under that circumstances. So, no, I don't think we'll get him back. And do we want that? (Yes! Yes, we do on one hand, but...). Is it better for Baby J to grow up with his father? You know what? We don't really know. And I think that's one of the things God's been trying to teach us, that we don't really know everything, so we need to trust him with a capital T.
When we handed him back over to his father, it was okay. I was okay. But three days later, I am missing him again.
We don't know when (or if) we will see him again. His father doesn't have to let us see him, so we appreciate what he has done so far. We offered to babysit once a month, but we don't know if he'll want that.
Once a month...he will change so fast between times. We'll miss so much.
And we miss him so much.
But we're so glad we said yes to having him in our home, even if it was only for a little while, and even if it hurts.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
86 days
Court did not go as we planned today.
When I picked him up on our way home, fear squeezed my heart. All afternoon, we took turns holding him.
We prayed. I read the Bible. As I opened the pages, I breathed, "Lord, whisper sweet peace to me."
Philippians (my favorite book), Chapter 4. Selected verses:
4 - Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice
6 - Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God
7 - And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus
11 - Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content
13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me
19 - But my God shall supply all your need, according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus
20 - Now unto God and our Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
As I looked at his sleeping, sweet face, I thought, If we have to give him up in a couple of days, how will we do that?
Then, our caseworker called. Baby J would have to leave tonight. In one hour.
The minutes were precious. I kissed him over and over. Bryan held him as I gathered some clothes and necessities. I took him back again.
And then he was gone.
Baby J's father and his father's family are so happy to have him. I don't blame them. He is a very special little boy. They had been hurting like we hurt now.
Yes, there is a very small chance we could get him back. But it may be only temporary. So our prayer is this: that God could heal our hearts; that God would give Baby J's father the wisdom and love to raise him well; and that Baby J will somehow remember those prayers whispered in his ear and someday serve our Savior.
86 days. Long enough to fall in love. Long enough to hurt on the 87th day.
When I picked him up on our way home, fear squeezed my heart. All afternoon, we took turns holding him.
We prayed. I read the Bible. As I opened the pages, I breathed, "Lord, whisper sweet peace to me."
Philippians (my favorite book), Chapter 4. Selected verses:
4 - Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice
6 - Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God
7 - And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus
11 - Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content
13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me
19 - But my God shall supply all your need, according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus
20 - Now unto God and our Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
As I looked at his sleeping, sweet face, I thought, If we have to give him up in a couple of days, how will we do that?
Then, our caseworker called. Baby J would have to leave tonight. In one hour.
The minutes were precious. I kissed him over and over. Bryan held him as I gathered some clothes and necessities. I took him back again.
And then he was gone.
Baby J's father and his father's family are so happy to have him. I don't blame them. He is a very special little boy. They had been hurting like we hurt now.
Yes, there is a very small chance we could get him back. But it may be only temporary. So our prayer is this: that God could heal our hearts; that God would give Baby J's father the wisdom and love to raise him well; and that Baby J will somehow remember those prayers whispered in his ear and someday serve our Savior.
86 days. Long enough to fall in love. Long enough to hurt on the 87th day.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Progress (of some kind)
We are, at last, moving forward. We received test results last week, so Baby J spent some time with his birthfather today. Next week, we have court again. There probably will be nothing new, though we are hoping that the scheduled hearing actually takes place (last time, the hearing was cancelled).
We still have no idea what will happen. Our caseworker told us to pray that whatever happens is the best thing for Baby J.
He is such a blessing to us (smiling, laughing, oozing cuteness, sleeping through the night, cuddling, etc.). We feel so grateful to have the opportunity to take care of him.
I will try to post an Internet-appropriate vague response after court next week.
We still have no idea what will happen. Our caseworker told us to pray that whatever happens is the best thing for Baby J.
He is such a blessing to us (smiling, laughing, oozing cuteness, sleeping through the night, cuddling, etc.). We feel so grateful to have the opportunity to take care of him.
I will try to post an Internet-appropriate vague response after court next week.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
He has filled our lives with sunshine!
Eight weeks ago today, around this time, I walked into a hospital and held Baby J for the first time.
I held him because I wanted closure and to move on.
That day, things didn't go as we expected and the following 48 hours were some of the longest and hardest and most emotional Bryan and I have experienced.
And then we brought him home.
Our life that we thought was full overflowed.
We thought our life was rich, but it turns out it was stale and tasteless compared to what we have now.
"Couple" was a nice word until it was replaced with "family."
I don't mean to paint an idealistic picture. Despite my best efforts to be intentional about every moment with him, when exhaustion or selfishness sets in, I have been frustrated. But not often. Instead, we bask in the joy he has brought us. I love seeing Bryan in his new role as a father, and we enjoy the newness and innocence (and cuteness!) of Baby J.
After eight weeks, I:
- still don't have "baby wipe economy" down. We use as many wipes as necessary, but I freely admit I'm jealous of the mothers who can deftly clean up a mess with two wipes. Two!
- realize we can do a lot more with two arms than we thought
- don't need as much sleep as we thought (though I believe God helps us do more with less)
- found that I no longer have two hours to clean the house...but I have two minutes to clean the toilet. And then I will have two more minutes later to throw a load of laundry in
In so many ways, our lives have changed. And I would say, all for the better.
We still don't know what the end of the Baby J book will be, but we like the chapter we're on.
In Poland news, well, there is no news. As I mentioned before, we'll probably have to wait until October at least.
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