86 days

Court did not go as we planned today.

When I picked him up on our way home, fear squeezed my heart. All afternoon, we took turns holding him.

We prayed. I read the Bible. As I opened the pages, I breathed, "Lord, whisper sweet peace to me."


Philippians (my favorite book), Chapter 4. Selected verses:

4 - Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice
6 - Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God
7 - And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus
11 - Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content
13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me
19 - But my God shall supply all your need, according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus
20 - Now unto God and our Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.


As I looked at his sleeping, sweet face, I thought, If we have to give him up in a couple of days, how will we do that?

Then, our caseworker called. Baby J would have to leave tonight. In one hour.

The minutes were precious. I kissed him over and over. Bryan held him as I gathered some clothes and necessities. I took him back again.

And then he was gone.

Baby J's father and his father's family are so happy to have him. I don't blame them. He is a very special little boy. They had been hurting like we hurt now.

Yes, there is a very small chance we could get him back. But it may be only temporary. So our prayer is this: that God could heal our hearts; that God would give Baby J's father the wisdom and love to raise him well; and that Baby J will somehow remember those prayers whispered in his ear and someday serve our Savior.

86 days. Long enough to fall in love. Long enough to hurt on the 87th day.

Progress (of some kind)

We are, at last, moving forward. We received test results last week, so Baby J spent some time with his birthfather today. Next week, we have court again. There probably will be nothing new, though we are hoping that the scheduled hearing actually takes place (last time, the hearing was cancelled).

We still have no idea what will happen. Our caseworker told us to pray that whatever happens is the best thing for Baby J.

He is such a blessing to us (smiling, laughing, oozing cuteness, sleeping through the night, cuddling, etc.). We feel so grateful to have the opportunity to take care of him.

I will try to post an Internet-appropriate vague response after court next week.

He has filled our lives with sunshine!

Eight weeks ago today, around this time, I walked into a hospital and held Baby J for the first time.

I held him because I wanted closure and to move on.

That day, things didn't go as we expected and the following 48 hours were some of the longest and hardest and most emotional Bryan and I have experienced.

And then we brought him home. 

Our life that we thought was full overflowed.

We thought our life was rich, but it turns out it was stale and tasteless compared to what we have now.

"Couple" was a nice word until it was replaced with "family."

I don't mean to paint an idealistic picture. Despite my best efforts to be intentional about every moment with him, when exhaustion or selfishness sets in, I have been frustrated. But not often. Instead, we bask in the joy he has brought us. I love seeing Bryan in his new role as a father, and we enjoy the newness and innocence (and cuteness!) of Baby J.

After eight weeks, I:

• still don't have "baby wipe economy" down. We use as many wipes as necessary, but I freely admit I'm jealous of the mothers who can deftly clean up a mess with two wipes. Two!
• realize we can do a lot more with two arms than we thought
• don't need as much sleep as we thought (though I believe God helps us do more with less)
• found that I no longer have two hours to clean the house...but I have two minutes to clean the toilet. And then I will have two more minutes later to throw a load of laundry in

In so many ways, our lives have changed. And I would say, all for the better.

We still don't know what the end of the Baby J book will be, but we like the chapter we're on.

In Poland news, well, there is no news. As I mentioned before, we'll probably have to wait until October at least.

Tuesday was our first day in court about Baby J. Things did and did not progress. If that doesn't make sense (and how could it?!), ask us what happened. I don't want to post it on the blog.

Things are going so well. Baby J is gaining weight, he continues to be a very good baby, and  we love him! Getting to have him was a very difficult process, but when we look back, every tear, frustration and stress was worth it.

I'll end with one funny story.  When we started talking about having an infant, Bryan was concerned. "Lis, you're such a deep sleeper. There is no way you'll hear the baby, and I am such a light sleeper, I'll wake up all the time."

Although I didn't see anything wrong with that scenario, this is what really happens.

Bryan, yawning, "So, did Baby J have a good night? How many times did he get up?"

Yep, that's what I thought. Bryan doesn't hear him at all, and I awake at the slightest wimper. Someone told me that, once I had children, I would probably never get a good nights sleep again. I'm glad I enjoyed all of them up to this point!

A cookbook winner!

Thanks to winner selection help from random.org, the cookbook winner is...

Karla Z.!

Thanks, everyone, for submitting your special food memories, and I will get that cookbook to you soon, Karla.

If you didn't win, but you still want one, contact me or Shara.

Happy Mother's Day

For the past few months, my sister, Shara, (with the help of her mother and sisters) has been putting together a cookbook. Last night, I got my copy and early this morning (since Baby J didn't want to sleep after 2 am), I put the dividers in and read through it. It was bittersweet. Bittersweet because it brought back many pleasant memories of our life as a family as we shared meals together and because many of the recipes were from my Grandma S. who passed away in November. I miss her.

I like Shara's quote from the front:

There is a unique marriage between food and relationships. I felt happy as I entered recipes that were in my Grandma Steidinger's handwriting, imagining my mother requesting recipes after she was married and in her own home, just like my sisters and I have done. There were recipes from my Grandma Dotterer which made me glad to think that she and my mom could share family favorites, maybe recipes my dad had loved growing up.

And

Once again, we're a family, and we're keeping ourselves bound together by shared meals, even if we aren't eating them together every night like we used to.

The cookbook has over 400 recipes from the basic to some of Shara's knockout desserts. The cookbook is illustrated by my sister, Jenna, and has delicate, watercolors marking each new section.

In celebration of my first mother's day, I am giving away a free copy on this blog!

To enter, please leave a comment with your favorite recipe memory (something like, I always drank mint tea (recipe in the book!) at my Grandma Steidinger's out of plastic cups or, we drink mocha punch (also in the book) at every family Christmas).

You just have to enter by 11:59 PM on Monday, May 14.

And if you don't win, Shara is selling them for $15 each.

Happy Mother's Day!

3 weeks and one day

I was trying to think of clever titles of this post. The best I could come up with was Up(in the middle of the night)dates. And I didn't think that was very funny.

Instead I chose  to title this how long we've had Baby J. 

This post is all about the frequently asked questions. We don't mind the questions at all, but I thought it might be nice to have these here for the people who don't see us that often. Some of the questions I made up ;).

Do you know if you will be able to adopt him yet?

No, we do not. And we're not sure when we will know whether we're temporary or permanent parents. By the beginning of July, we might have some more answers, but probably won't know for sure for quite a few months.

How's the Poland adoption going?

Our paperwork is over there and we still expect to get our Poland referral in March or April, 2013. It must be after October, 2012 because we have to have Baby J at least 6 months before we can have more children.

How is he sleeping at night?

Better. Usually he sleeps around 3 hours at a time. Last night was an exception, but he's been doing well lately.

Do his birthparents have contact with you or Baby J?

Yes, his birthmother sees him once per week. Due to some technical difficulties, his birthfather has not been able to see him yet. They both contact me frequently to check on him.

How are you adjusting to parenthood?

Lisa - It's been so much better than I expected. We love having him here.

Bryan - "Isn't parenthood great?" That's a mushy Bryan quote. They don't happen often. Wink, wink.

Usually people tell parents who the child looks like. What do they say to you?

Surprisingly, we've had several people mention that Baby J has some similarities to us. Like, Bryan's hairline and curly-ish hair and Bryan's "fine" features (My large features guffawed at that one :)). My hair coloring and my - sniffle! - height. You see, Baby J is in the 7th percentile for length. Mostly though, people just say he's cute. Which he is, baby acne and all.

Are you (Lisa) still working?

I am taking a lot of time off right now until June. As of this second, I am intending to stay working. That does depend on a lot of factors, so we will see what happens.

Does Bryan change diapers?

Bryan is amazing. He feeds him and changes diapers like a pro. Sometimes he even gets up with him at night if I need a break. 

Is he a good baby?

Yes, he's very easy to take care of. He likes to eat, sleep and be held. We can accommodate that!

What's his name?

Well, well, well. His name is Jayden. We had every intention of changing his name if we adopted him...until his birthmother begged us not to change it. And I agreed to that. 

Is it hard for you to think of him leaving?

We just enjoy each minute with him and try to leave the future to God.