Polish-English-isms

We took the kids to church on Sunday. David is so much more social and said that he didn't want Bryan to come with him to Sunday School next Sunday. Roxy, on the other hand, didn't make all the way through. We'll try again next Sunday.

Today, I went to work while Bryan watched them. He lit a candle and came in later to find the candle out, with wispy smoke drifting to the ceiling. "No fire house," said David, seriously. Bryan looked in the candle and found a raw egg - a raw EGG! inside. We take fire prevention seriously around here.

The sheep arrived back home at 6:30 am on Monday. I knew they arrived when David rushed back in the house: "SHEEP! SHEEP!" They spent most of the day in the barn, watching the sheep.

They are learning more English. The other day, I lawfully passed someone. When I crossed into the other lane, David said, "Mama, NO!"

"Just a second," Roxy said the other day. She also says "oops" or "oopsie" a lot.

But the funniest thing is when Bryan suddenly disappeared from the dinner table recently.

"Where is Dad?" David said in Polish. 

"I don't know." (In English.)

"Say (in Polish), "Honey, where are you? (in English)" In case you didn't get that, I must say, "Honey, where are you?" a lot.

They also wear "flip flap flops" sometimes.

The next week will be busy. We have some doctors' appointments and our caseworker is coming for our 30 day report vist.

Routines and games

I think the wedding weekend went well. The kids, especially Roxy, didn't really want to talk to anyone, but they were comfortable enough to run around without us. I hope that's a good sign. Part of me thinks they should be a little apprehensive, because that would show more connection. But I don't know. 

We did have to take a break on Saturday and stay home. I've noticed that things go much better when they have enough sleep and eat more nutritious meals. Makes sense, right?

I think things are improving a lot. Part of it definitely has to do with finally getting over jet leg and settling into a routine. Kind of. Still a lot of work to do there, but we're making progress. We have moments where America gets a literal thumbs down, and they want to go back to Poland. And the parents get a thumbs down, too, sometimes, but since it's usually because I won't let them eat unlimited ice cream or go to Dairy Queen every day, I think that's okay. We're working on a lot of things, even if the kids don't know it :).

One of the kids' favorite games is "Bus." Using sidewalk chalk, they drew bus stops at various points along the driveway. They will "pick" me up at various locations. While they ride their bikes, I walk behind them. Then they drop me off at a different bus stop. Did I mention these bus rides are expensive? Sometimes I have to pay up to $7 dollars. (Fortunately, I can use fake money. Whew!)

I think I forgot to mention that Roxy taught herself to ride a bike since she's been home. And she loves it!

They also like to play "gotcha" which means they ride their bikes and I chase them. On foot. Don't they know how old I am? Needless to say, I never catch them unless I am very, very sneaky. 

They like driving with the windows down, until we drive past yet another pig building. "Ew! Pigs!" They yell as they quickly roll up the windows. 

They both keep asking when we're going to get our sheep back and said that they will each have their own. And Roxy cuddles cats whenever she can. We probably should get some more animals again soon.

Settled in at home - one week.

I am writing this post, one paragraph at a time. So if you think it seems choppy, it is! Sometimes I get just one paragraph in every other day.

When Bryan went back to work, the kids asked me every hour when he was coming home. When his truck pulled into the drive, the kids chased the truck. "Tata! Tata!" And when he got out of the truck, they both gave him hugs.

"Do you feel loved?" I said.

"Yes." He smiled. "I do."

Sunday afternoon, we took the kids for a drive. We showed them their school, grandparents' houses, some of their aunts and uncles' houses, church, and went to Dairy Queen. Roxy responded particularly well to one of her aunts. I think it may have had something to do with chocolate/peanut butter buckeyes, but I am not sure :).

I thought they did pretty well. It was nice to get out of the house.

Unfortunately, David does not require a lot of sleep. I had great hopes of getting things done early in the morning before they woke up. One morning, I went downstairs at 5 am to get ready for my eagerly awaited quiet time. And about five minutes later, I heard little feet coming down the stairs. Seriously?! He doesn't sleep much, but I know he is tired. We're trying to figure out where all the creaks are on the stairs so we don't wake him.

A few days later, I took the kids out again for a short time. They did well again.

I've been trying to play with the kids as much as possible. So our days are filled with bike rides, board games, hide-and-go-seek, and eating.

They like to go to both grandparents' homes. Bryan's mom and dad have a Great Pyrenees. So they request to go see Grandpa's beeeeg dog often.

Since coming home, we've used more bandaids, eaten more cheese, and washed more clothes. The kids are discovering everything about their environment which means the water hydrant, car alarm, microwave, and every other electronic gadget in the house are inspected multiple times. I follow them around everywhere, because they think of many things to do that I can't even imagine.

I think the kids are doing well, considering they have been taken away from everything they have ever known. However, that does not mean that it's not without challenges. We are trying to figure out a routine, clarify our expectations to the kids, make a schedule, and find places for all their things.

We are planning to attend my sister's wedding this weekend. Maybe we will see you there!

Welcome to the USA!

I had a couple of requests to update the blog for a while after we're home, so here is an update.

On our last night in Poland, we were stopped by a police officer for jaywalking. While we were crossing the street in the wrong place, I was thinking of the story I'd heard from another adoptive family about getting stopped for jaywalking, and then when we reached the other side, a friendly police officer was waiting for us. An ironic twist.

He started talking and gesturing and I kept asking if he knew English. He gave up very quickly. Lesson: when in Poland, only cross the street in approved areas :). Oh, and not speaking the language is helpful a few times.

The kids were awake before five the next morning, though I talked them into sleeping for another hour. We finished packing, cleaned a little, then hit one last recommended place to grab a bit to eat, a little doughnut shop.

Then our incountry coordinator was there to pick us up at 9:30. We went over her invoice for her services. Then we were on our way to the airport. On the way there, her car started acting crazy. Bryan diagnosed an alternator problem. We hit every red light on the way to the airport as more and more warning signals showed up on her dashboard. Bryan and I didn't say anything, but we were both tense. Would we make it in time?

We did. Then we got in the wrong line at the airport (the one that didn't move), so we were afraid we would miss our flight. Finally, some guy yelled, "Hey, who's going to Chicago?" We jumped ahead in line, grateful to have made our flight. By the time we got to our gate, we had to wait about 20 minutes.

Once we got on the plane, I leaned over to Bryan and said (for the third time), "We made it." The kids didn't sleep at all on the plane, and other than using the facilities every hour, they did a great job. 

We landed, went through customs, collected our luggage, and took our precious folder with all the kids' info to the agent. (The envelopes were sealed and we were warned by four people NOT to open the envelopes. If you open them, you can't leave the airport and must go back to the other country. Which would be really annoying.) Once he processed the paperwork, the kids became US citizens. They will retain dual citizenship. And the US embassy lady suggested that, if we travel back to Poland before the kids turn 18, they should travel on Polish passports.

Then we waited for the grandmas to pick us up. On the way home, both kids fell asleep. And Roxy would sleep for 13 straight hours.

When we got home, David woke up, walked around for a bit, before falling back asleep.

Bryan and I tried to keep ourselves awake until 8:30 (3:30 am Polish time). I slept 4 hours. And David was up by 3 am. He was hungry, of course.

It was really fun to give the kids a tour of their house and the land. It's really different from what they're used to...not a McDonald's in sight! It melted my heart to see and hear the sound of children - our children - at our house.

Our house is a total disaster. I am trying to figure out where to put all their toys and how to organize their clothes. I'll also clean the floors...when I find them. 

They've been playing outside. Swinging from the rope in the hayloft, using our reel lawnmower, spraying each other with water (Roxy is on her 5th outfit already today), running through the grass, and playing with toys. 

We were told that there could be a honeymoon period of good behavior, followed by some crazy things. But they seem to be doing fine for now. We've had a few visitors. They are very shy at first (this is good!), especially with adults. 

We're trying to take it slow, but it appears that things are going to go reasonably well.

Last update from Poland

Saturday, we walked around Old Town. I like it.

During WWII, many of the buildings were destroyed. They have a display with pre-war pictures, pictures taken during/after the war, and you can compare it to the buildings today. They tried to rebuild Old Town as much as possible. I wanted to read more about it, but the kids were ready to move on.

We saw one of Frederic Chopin's homes, the Royal Castle, lots of monuments, and we found a park with great fountains.

We also ate at a good Polish restaurant for lunch. Then we took a horse-drawn carriage tour.

We walked home and by the end, David was complaining that his feet hurt. AND we ran the last two blocks in a torrential downpour.

Sunday, we had a late breakfast as E. Wedel's. They are well known for their hot chocolate. I must say, it was fabulous, especially the white hot chocolate. Then we went to a great park (Park Lazienka) which was absolutely beautiful and peaceful. We listened to a Frederic Chopin piano concert.

Then we fed carp, pigeons, and tried to feed the peacocks, but they weren't interested. We walked around more and then we bought gofry (a waffle with fruit and cream on it). Then we went to Old Town for a little bit before we came home.

Monday, we had our embassy interview. It was super easy. We filled out some paperwork, then waited for an hour or so to meet with the official. She was from Naperville! It took just a few minutes.

On our way back to the car, we stopped at a pastry shop and had babeczka, delicious shortbread filled with yellow curd-like stuff.

I wanted the kids to have something special from Poland, so we stopped at a Polish pottery store. I am not sure David will appreciate a Polish pottery bowl, but maybe his wife will someday!

Tuesday, we went to Old Town again. We went to the Fountain Park again. The kids got thoroughly drenched in the fountains. They kept saying, "That was super duper!" So I am glad that we let them do it. We ate bigos again. I have to figure out how to make that at home.

Then, we went to the US embassy and picked up the kids' visas. Oh, and I ate another babeczka.

Step 1 - get passport/visa pictures taken of kids. DONE!

Step 2 - pick up the official court decree on May 31 May 29. Kids will be entered into the passport system. DONE!

Step 3 - pick up passports on June 3 May 31. Travel to Warsaw. DONE!

Step 4 - Medical appointments (scheduled for 3 pm on May 31). DONE!
Step 5 - Embassy interview (10 am June 3). DONE!

Step 6 - pick up Visas (3 pm on June 4). DONE!

AND TADA!

Step 7 - Fly home! JUNE 5!!!!!!!!!
 (tickets are for June 7, but if we can go earlier, don't have to pay too much to switch, have a direct flight, and can get seats close together, we might. We'll definitely have to see on that one).

I don't know if/when I will update the blog again. But I want to thank you for following along on our journey. It was challenging and beautiful and painful and joyful and bittersweet and an adventure.

We are thankful to have our two lovely children, and we are thankful to be coming home.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

What you can expect when we get home (and how you can help)

The title of this post is misleading since we don't even know what to expect when we get home.   But here are some thoughts/explanations I've gleaned from adoption experts, other adoptive parents, books, and more.

First, in an ideal world, we would "cocoon" the kids for 2-3 months. This means we would strictly limit outside activities and slowly introduce them to friends and family. (Although, we aren't sure how we're going to handle this, since the kids will probably want to get out/my sister's wedding is coming up/I start back to work part-time for 7 weeks on June 10, etc.)

Because the children have had multiple caregivers, they may have difficulty attaching to us permanently. The first way to enhance attachment to parents is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with David and Roksana. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing.   I have no worries that David would let anyone else hug or kiss him. He thinks it's gross! But Roksana, if given a choice between our in-country coordinator or translator and me, will always give them hugs or try to hold their hands, instead of mine. This is not okay and does not promote attachment to us as her parents. It may be because they speak Polish, but it isn't good for a child to exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside their parents. If you don't understand this, I can give you more information (or google "attachment in adoption"), but this is REALLY, REALLY, REALLY important. So if they try to hug you or hold your hand, please direct them back to us. Eventually, once we can see they are securely attached to us, we can back off this rule.  For now, waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! 

Another area is we need to make sure David and Roksana's physical and emotional needs are only met by us for now. Since they are used to multiple caregivers, they need to realize that we are their parents, and WE will meet all their needs. Again, once we can see that they feel safe and secure, we can back off on this, too. So, if they ask you if they can do something or for a drink or something to eat, please redirect them back to us. Something like: "I understand you want a drink, but your mom is over there. Please go ask her." 

If you haven't experienced adoption, you may think we're neurotic! But please know that we desperately want our children to attach to us, to trust us, and to feel safe. With the research we have done, this is the best way to do it. If they don't attach to us (which does happen sometimes), it can be really terrible.

The kids have experienced loss and are experiencing loss now, even if they don't know or understand it. We really don't know how the final move to the US will affect them. Will they feel more secure (because it's permanent)? Or will they act out because they are in a new place? We don't know. They are excited to come to the US, but I don't think they realize how different everything will be for them. For one thing, both Bryan and I have been with them 24/7 which can't happen in the US. And there are many other differences, of course.

Even though we only had 3 months of parenting experience (foster care with easy-to-care for Baby J) before this, I can tell this is way different. Parenting these children has been like having an infant, a toddler, a preschooler, an elementary-aged child, an adolescent, and a smart teenager, all at the same time. Actually, having two at the same time! Eventually, I think they will act their chronological age. 

We have lots and lots and lots of things to work on. The most important things are intangible, like building trust and secure attachments, so most of our energy will be focused on that. We aren't superman/superwoman, so we can't do everything. This means that we won't be fighting some battles yet. For instance, Roxy doesn't like her hair combed and likes to create her own outfits that don't always match. Some days, I may want to conserve my energy for improving the big picture so I may let her out of the house wearing mismatched clothes. Eventually they will be nicely groomed, not eat ketchup with their fingers, or use a tissue, instead of their shirts, to wipe their noses. But first things first.

Lastly, Roxy responds best to soft-spoken people who allow her to say what she wants - and be okay if she doesn't say anything. When we've been around other kids, if they are really loud, she doesn't like it. She is in her little world a lot of times (probably due to her poor vision and a possible minor hearing loss). In fact, she'll probably run into you (literally!) at some point. I can't tell you how many people she's run into while we've been walking.

David, on the other hand, loves loud, boisterous, and crazy. He is a little shy when meeting new people, but warms up quickly. He prefers to play rough. For instance, he loves to come up to me and wrap his arm around my neck and hang his 90+ pound body on me. I see chiropractor appointments in my future!

Even though we don't know how things will go, we're ready to come home and start our real life together.