Aberle, Party of FIVE!

I have been wanting to write a post on Florida, but I'll make it quick: Long trip. Car broke down. Car got fixed. Weather good most of the time. Way home? Torture for all parties involved. David summed it up best when he said, "Next time, let's just drive one state away, okay?"

I wanted to write about how proud we were of them at our church Christmas program. As I watched them say their memorized verses perfectly, I found it hard to believe that they spoke just a few words of English eight months ago.

Lots of things I wanted to write, but I don't have much time. And I want to tell you about something else.

We're expecting a baby in June! 

Just to keep it short and sweet, I am making up some frequently asked questions, even if they're not frequently asked :).

Are the kids excited?

Remember I told you Roxy prayed for a sister? Well, a week or two ago, she complained that God hadn't answered her prayer yet. She was mostly excited although she was worried the baby's crying would keep her up at night.

David has not been excited at all. Since he (well, both of them) like kids, I am not worried about this long term. And I am sure they both will feel threatened at some point, but hopefully they will warm up to the idea eventually.

Are you going to find out what you're having?

We haven't decided.

The question you're too polite to ask...So did you, uh, use, you know, assistive reproductive technologies or fertility drugs? 

Nope. Nothing.

Were you surprised?

Yes and no. We were not surprised because we always believed this would happen. It's a cool story that I can tell you in person if you're interested. The timing did surprise me, although it seems to be miraculously perfect. Of course.

Is everything okay?

As far as my doctor can tell, everything looks completely normal. Of course, you never know, but things are lookin' good at the moment.

How are you feeling?

I am feeling fantastic at the moment. I had very little morning sickness, although I was grumpier than normal :). It's been very easy so far.

Do you want a boy or a girl?

I really don't care. I can see benefits to either one, mostly practical reasons, like who would share a room and of which gender do I have more clothes? But I could care less. Bryan does care a little bit. But I am sure he will like him/her no matter what.

It does make me think of Baby J. He was such a sweet, sweet baby. We still miss him.

How does this feeling compare to adopting David and Roxy?

We are really excited with this baby. It seems like such a privilege to be able to love this child from the very beginning...and such a privilege to be able to have the chance to carry a life. Many of my friends have not had the opportunity. Or they did have the opportunity, but their babies aren't here with us. And that could happen with us, too. As long as the baby lives and as long as I am living, I will be able to share memories with this child that we missed out on with our two other children. We are so grateful. Yet, I don't view this child as more mine than David and Roxy are. I don't view this child as a "reward" for adopting. Instead, we are so thankful to have the opportunity to be parents to three kids, no matter how they came to our family.

I am certain this baby will take after his Dad and be wild and crazy. He/she won't make it too easy for us and act like me ;0).

Already, I feel like I can sincerely say, "We have three kids. Two are adopted. But I forget which ones."

The biggest challenge

So it's been a long time since I've updated, but things have been moving along. Sometimes it's bumpier than others, but we just keep moving forward and I think we improving in general.

The biggest challenge

My sister asked me recently: "What's the biggest challenge about adoption?"

There have been many, but the one that has stuck around the longest and bothers me the most, is that the kids feel we aren't always trustworthy. Even after months and months of meeting their needs, being consistent, and daily assuring them that we will not lie to them or leave them, they still do not always believe it. I understand why this is a problem, but I don't know how long it will be an issue. Maybe forever? Even though I see security building in some ways, in others it's regressing.

This week, one of them said, "I know why you adopted us...so we could do all your work!" They are not a fan of their chores :). David also told us he is going to get married as soon as possible so we can't boss him around anymore.

Ohio

The first weekend in November, we took my Grandma and went to visit family in Ohio. First, I was pretty tense on the way out. I think I was worried that their friendly and not-so-friendly banter (quit touching me, stop pulling my seatbelt, give me that book!) was driving my Grandma batty. She deserves to ride in peace! I have no idea what she really thought, but she was calm throughout the trip.

The whole trip was sweet to me. It was my old place that I loved and didn't want to leave. I introduced them to family, I showed them my old house, and they made friends with my friends' children which was probably the sweetest of all.

On the first night, we had pizza with an old, old friend. This friend is a good one and we go back, way back. When I was walking around on the playground alone at recess in my shiny purple coat, I once looked at the swings and saw this bubbly, vivacious girl laughing and talking. I thought to myself, Wow, she has so many friends. I didn't mind walking around alone at recess. I liked to read books, so I didn't really care if I had friends or not. But I remember thinking she was so different than I was. And I thought she was pretty cool. Someone like her would never want to be my friend.

And then one day, we did became friends. From that day to today, she has been the friend who stuck by me (even when I was a jerk - and I was sometimes). She is the one I can always count on to cry with me when I cry and to laugh with me when I laugh. She has cheered me up more times than I could remember, once sending me a sunshine box in a particularly sad time in my life. She was there for my dad's funeral, for my wedding, and for an amazing crepe- and antique-filled weekend. Every time I see her, we can pick up where we left off. I have some really, really good friends. But I think she is the only friend (except for some special relatives) who loved me as much when I was unlovable.

This time, her husband was home and it was like I was transported back to 8th grade, when the three of us were really good friends. We laughed and laughed, just like we did back then. And it felt good.

It also felt good to watch her daughter play with mine. And her daughter wanted to give mine a special gift. I was overwhelmed as I watched her little 6-year-old girl be generous to mine. I knew where she got it: from her mother who had learned it from her mother, a special lady named Barb H.

So that was good.

Old friends who are still young. Right? Right?!

Her daughter and mine

David doesn't always smile or look at the camera, but I got him on this one!

Then we went to another old friend's home. With both friends, the time spent together is always too short and the time between visits is always too long. But every time we get together, it's like we've never been apart. I won't wax poetic on this one, only because I would say many of the same things. But it was so good to see my kids playing with hers immediately. Roxy even slept in their girls' room, the first time she had ever done that. (Makes me wish we had a sister for Roxy, but more on that in a second.)

Then we spent time with family. I knew David would enjoy my cousin's boys. Sure enough. He did. He said at one point, "Those boys are the same kind of crazy I am!"

Tomorrow, we have a 19 hour trip to Florida. So our Ohio trip was kind of a short test run. Anyway, on the way home, the kids were complete angels. In fact, I wasn't sure if someone made a kid swap and we had actually left the kids in Ohio! But they slept almost half the trip. When they were awake, they mostly just looked out the window. It was lovely.

You know what else is lovely? As I mentioned, things are getting better. When we were in Poland, our bedtime routine took somewhere around 2.5 hours. 2.5 hours!!! When we got home, we shaved off an hour, but we also had problems with getting them to relax enough to sleep. Our family doctor suggested melatonin and it.was.fantastic. I had bottles everywhere, so I never went without it. She told me that eventually the kids wouldn't need it anymore, but I have to say that I didn't really believe her. But you know what? Listen to your doctor. She was right. We stopped giving it to them regularly about a month ago. One child is really easy to get to bed now, but as recently as a couple of weeks ago, one child was still requiring about an hour to get a bath, read books, and fall asleep. If I left the room before the child was sleeping, well, cries would begin and wouldn't stop. Then I was thinking: Is the child feeling abandoned? Is this helping bonding? Should I really stay here until they fall asleep? 

So on the advice of my sister-in-law, I told the child, I will stay in here for 10 more minutes. Now I leave when the ten minutes are up. It's usually fine.

They are still usually up by 6 am. Even on Saturdays and Sundays. They don't always appreciate that Bryan and I might like to stay in bed past 6:01 on a Sunday morning. "It's 6:01," hisses a voice. "It's time to get up." And if the hissing won't make me get out of bed, the morning breath will.

Anyway, I was just about to institute an amendment to my previous policy (you can't come out of your room until 6:00) to say it must be 6:30 on weekends, when the kids decided that they liked sleep more than they thought. "I don't get it," said David. "I don't know why I like to sleep more now, but I do!"

I don't usually have problems getting them up for school, so I should be thankful for their early morningness. Just not on weekend mornings, thank you.

A random funny. I put on a jacket one day while I prepared to take the kids to school for the Friday morning assembly. "Mom?" said David. "Are you wearing that?" "Yes, I am." "Please don't wear it in the school. It looks...stupid." So I did what any parent would do: I wore and I wore it proud. Even when the gym got hot, I would not take off my jacket. Now why do I feel the need to embarrass my child?

Lisa is crazy

If you know about any of the challenges we faced through adoption, you will think I am crazy. Along with everyone else. Anyway, a few weeks ago, I thought it was time to start the adoption process again. We have done a lot of things wrong, and we're far from great parents, but I still felt I had a little love left to give a child or children. So I talked to Bryan about adopting again and I even showed him who I thought we should adopt.
Bryan: "Are you psycho?" Followed by, "Ever since I married you, you have made me uncomfortable!" Which I thought was a fantastic compliment!

That night, Roxy prayed for a sister who could sleep in her room and play with her. "Dear God, please bring me a sister from" - "Hey, mom, where from? Fairbury? Forrest? Poland?" - I thought it was cute. And it was funny when David prayed to not have any more siblings because he didn't want to share his toys.

Anyway, I was pretty confident that we should be moving forward with another adoption, when I talked to my caseworker. "I really don't think your kids are ready yet." And I was thinking, but it will take at least a year again. Surely Bryan and the kids will be ready in a year. 

But I was the only one who was really ready. And then I found out that my prospective children had found a new home. So we're back to enjoying our two kids and no plan to move forward. It's pretty difficult to see all the waiting children who come from our adoption agency, though. They usually have some special needs, and one boy just died a few weeks ago while waiting for a family. If that doesn't break your heart, I don't know what will. Life is hard sometimes.

School

School continues to go well. Roxy is reading a little bit and David's teacher said he should be totally at grade level by the end of the school year. He is also reading chapter books fairly easily. And their English is doing great. I haven't used Google Translate for weeks!

Hope for our future

An update!

We're still experiencing lots of firsts around here. As you can imagine, the first time we do things, the kids usually experience some anxiety because they don't know what to expect.

First non-family guests over for dinner - went well. The kids helped set the tables and clean the house the day before. They played well with the other kids (we had a little bit of obnoxiousness, but I think that was just anxiety-triggered).

First overnight trip My stepdad's father passed away, so we took a whirlwind trip to Iowa. The trip there was so-so, but the way home went very well. I learned that my definition of "lots of books and toys and snacks" is not the same as the kids.' I will change that for next time. I also learned that the back seat ain't big enough for the both of them :).

First church potluck. I am really strict about bedtimes, so we're usually the first ones to leave the party. The kids don't like that. They usually whine all the way home: "Why do we always have to leave before anyone else? You don't want us to have any fun!" Anyway, we were cleaning up after this particular potluck, so we were one of the last to leave and both kids were very tired. On the way home, we heard: "We stayed too long! We should have left earlier!" With parenting, you can't win.

Second overnight. Our 8th anniversary is today, so we celebrated last weekend by going away. While we were enjoying the peace and quiet that we experienced most of our previous years of marriage, Bryan said, "You know, I miss the noisy chaos of home."

School continues to go amazingly well. The kids are keeping up and doing well in most areas. They enjoy making friends. It's helping their English come along even faster. I haven't consulted Google Translate in weeks. While we still have some miscommunication, we're all less frustrated.

Horseback riding The kids enjoyed horseback riding and can't wait to go again.

A new swing set Through the generosity of friends and family, we were the recipients of a great swing set that the kids love. I like them to spend as much time outside as possible, so they've had a lot of fun swinging and performing tricks on the bars and rings.

David likes to make things. Here's his homemade bow and arrow.

First combine ride Yesterday, they rushed through their homework and after school chores so they could ride with Bryan in the combine. David decided that riding in the tractor was a little more fun than riding in the combine.

Funny story David usually says the first thing that comes to his mind which is not always tactful. We will work on that soon, but please don't be offended if it's directed at you :). Anyway, he LOVES our lunch at church and will consume as many calories as possible. So Bryan told my cousin to take away the tray of food when she was ready to clean up instead of waiting until David finished eating (because that could be awhile!). So she took the tray away eventually and he said, "Hey, lady, I'm hungry!"

No screaming here I didn't think I was a yeller, but kids seem to have amplified my voice. It's something I'm working on, not yelling at the kids. A few weeks ago, one of the kids and I were having a frustrating conversation. "I'm hungry!" "I know. You can eat this food." "But I'm so hungry. Please, can I eat?" "Yes, I said you can eat this." "Why don't you let me eat anything?" "Please eat this food." "But I am so hungry!" It was just as crazy it sounds. As the child started crying because I wouldn't let him/her eat the food that I said he/she could eat, I got really frustrated. I turned around, walked a few feet away and yelled at the wall, complete with hands thrown up in frustration. Then I turned back to the child who had snapped out of the misunderstanding rut we had been in. And they started eating. Anyway, my friend Kent mimicked me, and I snapped a picture. Since then, I've only yelled one word. If anyone else has yelling problems, just look at this picture of Kent to help you.

Both Bryan and I had a lot of fears associated with adoption. It would have been so much easier to keep our life as it was, but the day I got serious about adoption was the day I heard these words: "It's not about you."

So we decided to move forward. And if the kids didn't "turn out" or disrupted our pleasant life or hated our guts, well, so what? It wasn't about us, so we tried to focus as much as possible on the children. We were still scared, though, and through the following two years, we had some emotional stress that we didn't plan on. It was extremely challenging, and I was full of doubts about my ability to do this.

Then we met the kids. And things went okay for the first week, but it got challenging real fast. It was difficult for all of us, for many reasons. I mean there were days that I didn't think I could take anymore. I'm sure you can imagine. On this blog, I've tried to be as positive, but as candid as possible. I don't want anyone to think this is easy and jump in without understanding the challenges. But I also don't want to portray our children as anything but normal.

In the thick of things, I told myself many times: "You can't give up. You CANNOT give up on these kids. YOU WILL NOT GIVE UP." But I couldn't see any relief in sight...and I wasn't handling things the way I should have been. I understood why people I had talked to about adoption said they couldn't do it. I understood failed adoptions. I understood why adoption disrupted families.

My inner monologue was interesting. I'll spare you.

As difficult it has been, I wouldn't have made it any easier, because the things we're seeing now wouldn't be nearly as sweet.

I've started writing this part of the post several times. And I have to accept that I won't write it well enough.

Bryan and I are just ordinary people. We aren't the people we really want to be. We haven't done anything worthy of the redemption that we're experiencing. We're just...us. So we don't really deserve the priceless gift we have been given.

What is that gift? It was the fulfillment of our fears and the answer to our hopes: our children. Some of our fears with adoption have come true. If I would have known how difficult it really would have been, I would like to think that I still would have done it, but I am not sure. But we have been given something far greater than the sum of our fears.

I can't tell you how rewarding it's been to

• see the anxiety disappear when we're heading home, a place that our kids now view as a place of safety, security, and refuge
• know that they trust that we will not leave them
• see them blossom under love that's sometimes tough
• discipline them, but to hear them admit they know we love them no matter what (oops, I made this sound like I enjoy disciplining, which I don't, but I do appreciate that they know we love them)
• see their willingness to step out of their comfort zones
• see the application of their intelligence
• know that I am becoming a better person, because they help sand off my rough edges

Someday, when they're old enough to really comprehend, I want to talk about our beginning as a family and how all of us came together. We all brought our own hurts into our family relationship that were exacerbated by the stress of living together without a history. Those hurts influenced how we interacted with each other, not always in ways that were loving and good. And I will tell them that life isn't always easy (in fact, I would say it's never easy), but when you stick together, when you love each other - even when you don't feel like it -, you can weather the storm. Together. 

My fears nearly kept me from enjoying two of my life's greatest blessings (and frustrations - let's be real!) and almost certainly would have kept two lovely, talented, and inspiring children with lots of potential in an institution for the rest of their childhood. 

It's not about me? Actually, it was about me - giving me more than I deserved, that is - after all.

The End of Summer, the Beginning of School

I am not an exciting mother. I forgot how to play a long time ago, so when they ask me to play with them, I'm kind of clueless.

"Mom, can you play Legos with us?"

"Uh, what do I do?"

"Take this plane and fly to Florida. It's in the living room. Then you will need to get $2000 and give it me. The bank is in the kitchen."

I would like to be a fun mom and have all these plans of cool crafts and stuff but I don't. And I'm not. I would like to be more selfless and more willing to serve my family with grace and gentleness. I truly admire mothers who are like this. But it's not me. In fact, if mothering styles were pieces of clothing, I would be at the bottom of the laundry basket, the last resort, rumpled, stained, and maybe a few holes. It ain't pretty, but it gets the job done. Hopefully I improve with age and practice.

That's why I think this next story is funny.

This week, I ran out of clean plates. 20+ years ago, my mom served a normal, every day meal on her china. It made such an impression on me that I can still remember how the Betty Ford Chicken looked on the pale blue and pink china.

Out of plates? Why not improvise by making the meal special? So I dragged out cloth napkins, my Target fake china, good silverware, wine goblets, and my special carafe for water.

"What are you doing?!" the kids asked.

When Bryan got home, they dragged him to look at the table. "Mom's crazy! Look at this!"

Nothing like a little fake china, hot dogs and tator tots to create some memories :).

During the last couple of weeks, things kept getting more and more normal. David threw clean clothes down the laundry shoot, so he didn't have to put them away upstairs. Our house also has only baby toys, is boring, there aren't enough kids, I never let them do anything, and they never get to have any fun. Oh, and they're tired of me being their boss and want to eat more chips, even when dinnertime is just an hour away. Doesn't that sound refreshingly normal :)?

They had been getting more and more ready for school to start, even if they didn't know it. In fact, Monday, our last day to play at home all day long, was kind of painful. They were driving each other crazy, and me, too. In a desperate attempt to preserve my own sanity, I created a Treasure Hunt. It was also to see how much David could read, but please, let's keep that secret between us, okay? Anyway, it took me about an hour to write all the clues and hide them. I purposefully made them jump between all three floors of the house to make them really tired and take more time. At the end, they each had a little prize. It only took 15 minutes :(. Anyway, we survived the day and lived to start school on Wednesday. YAY!

School

Bryan and I are so impressed with the kids' school. We had a meeting last week with a largish group of people who seem really dedicated and interested in making the kids as successful/welcomed as possible.

We've been trying to prep the kids. "If you have to go to the bathroom, what do you do? If you don't understand something, what do you tell your teacher?" They picked their clothes out the night before school started. David even ironed his shirt! And they packed their own lunches. I am sure that's not going to last.

Wednesday was the big day. "Mom!" Hissed a loud voice at 5:07 am, "is it time to get up yet?"

"No, it isn't, David. Not unless you would like to start the laundry, cook breakfast, and set the table. No? Okay, go back to bed."

When I woke up Roxy, she said, "Mom, I'm scared."

Scared or anxious, they gamely got ready and put their brave faces on at some point, so by the time the bus came, neither appeared anxious or looked back. They did wave out the window. Roxy "flagged" the bus down, which I thought was cute. They think it's crazy that they don't have to pay any money to ride the bus.

Two brave kids waiting for the bus.

I don't want to sound like a whiner, so I'll just say it's been a "challenging" summer. Because of that, I may or may not have been (okay, I was) counting down the days until school started...even though I know that time goes by so quickly and you blink and they're driving to school and they don't even take time to tell you that you're boring anymore or that there is nothing to do, because they're so outta here and who wants to be home at all anyway? 

I fully expected to put them on the bus and kick my heels together as I ran back to the house to drink coffee and read my Bible with nothing but excitement for my house that will stay cleaner, the dishwasher that will be empty, the silence. Oh, the beautiful silence. But there was a tiny, tiny piece of my heart that ached a little for my kids to go to a new school where they didn't know many people and don't speak the language super well. It wasn't sadness that the kids would be away from me, but the fact that they were scared and anxious and the best thing was for them to find out that being scared and anxious shouldn't hold you back from testing your wings.

Aaaaaaahhhhh. Peace and quiet.

And did it ever work out. I ate lunch with the kids and they were doing fine. Their teachers said everything was good. Later I found out that David say "Happy Birthday" to a classmate in Polish. When the bus dropped them off, they ran with open arms and backpacks trailing and I could see the excitement on their faces. They faced their fears - and WON!

I heard David talking to the kittens: "Me school today. Had very much fun. I'll be there tomorrow too." He said there wasn't anything he didn't like and that his teacher is good and they read a book called David goes to school. And his teacher emailed me later and said he interacted really well with everyone and kept up with no problems. Roxy's face lit up every time she talked about it. Her teacher said she smiled a lot in the classroom. Roxy was a big fan of the Smart Board. Oh, and me? I did enjoy a quiet day and I look forward to more like it :).

Then the next morning, the principal called me and said that David had led the morning announcements over the intercom. It was probably my proudest moment so far as a parent. When he came home, he acted like it wasn't a big deal.

Discipline

I read or heard that kids who are old enough can pick up your disciplining style in 3 months. I had decided to try to simplify our bedtime routine, so I was no longer going to crawl into Roxy's bed until she fell asleep. She didn't like that.

She narrowed her eyes, held up one index finger, and said very firmly. "Get. Into. Bed. NOOOOOOW." She had to repeat herself several times because I wasn't obeying. With each time, her voice got slower and more enunciated. Finally, she said, "You can get into bed, or you can go take a nap." A nap?! Yes! I wonder where she learned these techniques.

Questions and Misc.

The questions are still flying around here.

"Why do moose live in Canada?"

"Because they don't live in Florida."

"Why?"

"They can't stand flamingos."

"Why?"

"Because they're pink." And then I stop being a smart alec, but only because I am running out of answers. I've also fielded questions on Pearl Harbor, geology, science, religion, and many other subjects. My answers probably just confirm that I don't know very much.

First overnight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All four of us were fighting over the "Who is the most excited for the kids to stay overnight at Grandma's" title. I'm not sure who won the prize, but it went amazingly well. And we're all excited to repeat it :).

My old suitcase when I went to Grandma's. Love sentimental things like that.

Medical Stuff

After more medical appointments than I care to count, we're done for probably about a year. Everything is looking better than we could hope for. Grateful and thankful for that!

New friend

There is a Polish woman who lives close to us and we met her last week. She was wonderful and kind and just like all the other down-to-earth people we met in Poland. She said she is willing to help out with the kids however needed and is planning to give me some recipe ideas. Just one more thing that I am so grateful for.

Another meeting

Today we had an extra meeting with our caseworker to make sure things were going okay. It went really well, and she said the kids seem to be doing fabulously, all things considered. There are some very positive indicators that long-term, we're going to be a healthy family.

Adoption support group

We also attended our first adoption support group. The kids, as always, were nervous to try something new, but ended up having a great time. We worked on games that built connection and attachment. On the way home, David said, "Wow, some of those kids are crazy!" He was right, some of the kids were really active :). My kids aren't perfect, but at least I am starting to understand them a little and know how to handle them sometimes. I'm grateful for them.

This is one of the games we played. Who's your mummy?

End of Summer

This summer has been absolutely crazy, but in a different way. This summer, even though my life felt very full and very stressful (which, frankly, isn't any different from all the other summers in the last decade and a half), I've slowed down. I've spent more time outside, played in a sandbox, walked along country roads dotted with Queen Anne's Lace and oozing tar, riding bikes, playing hide-and-go-seek, checking out locusts and all the other critters the kids are interested in. This week, David found a raccoon skull, for instance. Or playing Tarzan in the haymow. Hopefully next summer will be more normal and less stressful.

Car showers

Well, hello there. It's been awhile. Two weeks, actually.

The journey of adoption (and probably with all parenting) is sometimes three steps forward and two steps back. Or two steps forward and three steps back.

In many ways, earlier this week, it felt like we were moving backward. I have to remind myself daily, sometimes hourly, that the big picture is good, even if the days are very frustrating. While I long to have more patience and experience fewer frustrating moments, it's not coming easily. Is patience a muscle that can be developed? Because if so, I should have very big patience muscles soon.

Language
One area of frustration is the language barrier. It's so much less of a barrier than it was, so why do I get more frustrated? I think because they have enough language to finally ask question after question about their environment. However, the questions are difficult to answer with as little mutual language as we have. I try to answer their questions but it's hard.
Why do horses like apples?
They taste good? I don't know.
Why do monkeys like bananas?
I don't know, maybe they are deficient in potassium?
What's potassium?
Why does Chicago have big (lots of) people?
Because. I never wanted to say "because" as an answer.
Is that a man or a woman? (upon seeing a man with long hair)
A man.
No, that's not a man. Must be a mix.
No, really, he's a man. And Shhhh!.

Maybe I will count how many questions I receive in one hour sometime. It's a lot. But I am glad they ask. They are interested in their environment, in people, in each state (big or small, lots of people or not, do they have cities or not, do they have this animal or not, etc. You get the idea), in jobs people have, if this or that is expensive and how many "bucks" it is.

They were so excited to get "Triple Foam Polish" when we went through the car wash the other day. At first, I couldn't understand why they were so excited.  They love the car wash. The other day one of them said, "Can we give the car a shower today, Mom?"

I realize how crazy the English language must sound to them. "No! Please don't put flowers in our pancakes!" They can't hear the difference between thirty and forty, etc. When we met them, David had a more extensive English vocabulary while Roxy knew some numbers and colors. Now I think her comprehension is greater than his, though she doesn't always choose to talk.

Misc
My last day as a full time person was this week. I am relieved to have survived the semester, but sad to see it end. It was a fulfilling chapter in my life, and that doesn't even begin to describe it. I love those students of mine.

Our two apple trees produced enough apples to make lots of applesauce this year. First time.

Bryan captured a swarm of bees. First time.

Lots of prep work paid off with two very well-behaved kids at the dentist. We'll see how the cavity filling goes. Yikes!

Roxy made it through Sunday School without me last week for the first time.

The kids were introduced to Gene's Ice Cream.

Her hair also met the wrong end of a nest of cockleburrs. She has less hair now than she used to.

Food
The kids wanted to make a meal they often ate at the institution. Heat up some milk. Tear a piece of bread into small pieces, add a spoonful of sugar and cover it all with the warm milk. I was forced to try it and, you know, it was actually pretty good. We also made cold beet salad (mine was not as good as what we had in Poland. It was my favorite thing we had in Poland. Beet Salad. Weird, right?) and Cauliflower soup.

A friend from work gave us a Polish cookbook. The kids were so excited to thumb through and look at different recipes. Our first recipe was Gołąbki, cabbage rolls fills with ground beef, caramelized onions, and rice with a tomato-butter sauce. I decided that we would donate a Polish meal to our local Nursing Home's benefit dinner this fall. So if you would like a dinner for 8, served by 2 cute Polish-Americans, buy it!

Discovering that they liked soggy things, I decided to introduce them to my all-time favorite snack, the snack which Bryan claims he can't watch anyone eat or else he throws up...Graham crackers and milk! They loved it. I knew they were smart. Bryan can't believe he is so outnumbered by the graham cracker crowd.

They are eating better, though David still doesn't like eating pork, and sometimes other meat, too. He refused to each peaches, until I bribed (I didn't want to bribe my kids either!) him the other day to try them. He ate five today. I think he likes them. They aren't snacking as often which is nice. They used to open the fridge so often that we shut the air conditioning off in the kitchen. Just kidding.

School stuff

Since April, I've been in phone conversations with the principal of their elementary school. We finally took a tour of the school this week...and I am so excited, because it seems like such a sweet little school! I am looking forward to seeing them learn, hoping to watch them blossom, and just see how this next change affects them.

David is apprehensive, but we'll go back at least twice before school actually starts. Roxy is excited and asks often when "Bus School" starts.

Roxy learned to tie her shoes. I showed her once, I talked her through it once, and the third time, she waved me away. "Don't tell me, just watch." She had it. Amazing.

The final word

In the span of 10 minutes recently, 10 different people asked how we were doing, and I think I gave 10 different answers. It's been a long 100+ days, so I am not articulate. I can't verbalize all the different facets of adoption..how you can look at the same picture every day and see all the different pieces that create your family. Challenging. Sleep depriving. Tear inducing. Frustrating. Humbling. Encouraging. Inspiring.

After a rough day, Bryan said, "You know we're making progress, don't you?"

And we are. In every single way that I can think of, the kids are demonstrating a healthy attachment, their anxiety seems to be dialing down, and they seem to feel secure enough to continue to share their memories with us. While we can still remember what it was like to clean the house and have it stay cleaned, or to have a quiet meal where we actually carried on a conversation, or have the lights on in only the rooms we were in, our house now? Well, that's just us. We are a family.

In the middle of a frustrating day, David was looking for a missing Lego and I was looking for my purse. In no time, we found both. "Small problems," I said.  "In this family," David said, "we have small problems. That's very good."

With his comment, the light broke through my frustration. Maybe we really are making progress! 

It's hard to feel the progress. But tonight I finally downloaded our Poland trip pictures to my computer. As I looked through the pictures, I recalled details of our first meeting, the hours we spent together, the first night they stayed with us, the day Aberle, Party of 4 became official.

We didn't know each other well then. Now I know their expressions, their likes and dislikes, sometimes I can predict how they will react to things. We are developing our own family inside jokes. But most of all, even though we have a long way to go, we're learning to love each other in the way we need to be loved.

Happy birthday, Roxy!

Thursday, Roxy turned 6. For days she had been counting down to her birthday. When it finally arrived, she was excited. I had all these dreams of creating fun birthday traditions, but unfortunately, months ago, I had scheduled an important meeting on the night of her birthday. So, we had to adjust. Bryan stayed home with them while I worked in the morning. Then they picked me up at work in the early afternoon so we could enjoy the Children's Discovery Museum, ice cream (both generously given to us by my second year students), back to work for the meeting, and then out for pizza. Bryan is very good at giving flowers, so Roxy got a special delivery of flowers and balloons. She was also excited to get a card - with a kitten on it! - from my aunt.

I taught her, ...You live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you act like one, too. She thought it was funny when I sang it, but did not like David singing it. So we had to sing the regular version.

Saturday, my family got together, so I thought it would be a good time to celebrate Roxy's birthday. I made a cake. And it was a sorry excuse for a cake, if I have ever seen one. I thought about putting it on Pinterest, just to see what would happen (and to make other people feel good about themselves). But she was excited about it anyway and gobbled up 3 pieces through the day.

Friday, Bryan and I took the evening off. For the first time since April 18, someone else put the kids to bed. Since it went so well, I think we'll do it again. Anyway, during our quiet time, we were able to have some uninterrupted conversations, including one of the following.

One of us frequently annoys the other. I - I mean, the person who annoys the other - asked Bryan (oops, I mean the person who gets annoyed) whether I was annoying him as often as I used to. 

"No," he said, "you don't have time to annoy me. Actually," he continued, sounding disappointed, "I don't even have time to get offended. I probably won't be able to find time to be offended until they're 18."

If you don't know us that well, you probably won't think that conversation is as funny as I do. I thought it was hysterical.

The kids have been heard speaking in English to each other, which is something that hasn't happened before.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that we babysat Baby J for a few hours this week. It was so good to see him, even if he cried when I took him from his dad :(. The kids did really well with him, too, and asked when we could watch him again.

Cat and Mouse

If there is anything more boring than reading one of my blog posts, it's reading a blog post without pictures...again. Uploading pictures is low on my priority list right now, so pictureless blog posts are probably a fact of life for awhile.

How about a recap?

Thursday, last. Roxy slammed the door so hard that it broke. They were stuck outside; I was stuck inside. The front door wouldn't open either, so I let them come in and out through the window until Bryan got home and rescued us.

Sunday. I think this was the day that the kids called me out to the garage to look at a mouse that was sitting on the garage steps. You know I love the kids if I actually looked at a rodent on purpose. I did look and gave a grimace-smile and walked away, my brain vaguely registering something I heard about "spray." When I went back to the garage a few minutes later, there was green spray paint on the steps with a mouse-shape in natural wood showing through the John Deere green. Mouse stencil. Nice. I later found out they also spray painted the lawnmower.

Monday. It was the kind of day that, if we had a dog, it would have died or at least run away. As it was, the microwave door refused to open (two sticks of butter are still inside). I went all "Laura Ingalls Wilder" and melted the butter in a pan on a stovetop. The waffle iron limped along, but didn't quite finish the batch, in rebellion to its near-daily use, I am sure. And we had to wash some extra bedding (two beds' worth, if you know what I mean). Oh, and Bryan's truck isn't working. I woke up at 4:30, and David woke up at 5:30. And since someone got up on the wrong side of the bed, our morning started off with some fireworks due to something that had happened the night before.

And you know what? The day just kept getting better. Really. I spent some one-on-one time with David. I got to see a glimpse of his heart and his willingness to forgive, even when he was hurt by what he doesn't understand. And I got to see generous people in action. And see my kids developing relationships with their cousins. It was good.

This week, the kids got two kittens. David's black cat is named Tiger Socks Aberle. Roxy's orange cat is named Kitty Tiger Socks Aberle. Sometimes the names change, but Tiger is always the black cat. That makes me laugh. They love those cats. They build houses for them, feed them, haul them around, and want us to adore them just as much as they do. Bryan doesn't like cats, so it's really funny when David hands Tiger Socks off to Bryan and demands that Bryan cuddle the cat.

Wednesday. We spent most of the day at the hospital for some tests. I don't have all the results, but I'm not expecting anything crazy. Both kids did so well.

The rest of the week was a blur.

Thanks to some sweet people, I finally feel like my house is kind of organized. That makes things seem more manageable. And it feels like such progress.

But I have so much more progress to share with you. Our kids rarely cry when they are physically hurt. Even when they are hurt, they usually don't come to us. Last night, there was a bike collision, and David fared the worst. I was in the house and Roxy came in. "Mom? Come. David bike." I went out to see David crying over skinned palms and a skinned knee. Most kids would have cried over that. But he burned his finger pretty badly a few weeks ago and didn't cry at all. It felt like such progress that 1) he cried and 2) they decided needed a parent to comfort them.

When we first got home, the kids wouldn't sleep well if we weren't upstairs, too. That meant an early bedtime for us or a late bedtime for them. Now they must feel safer, because we usually have no problems getting them to bed. We still have to sneak down in the morning and usually don't make it. David is awake before 6 almost every morning. Because I am concerned he is not getting enough sleep, we have a new rule: He is supposed to stay in his room until 6 am. He has books and Legos and can play quietly while the rest of us enjoy some quiet time/sleep. We will see how that works. I have to be careful to explain rules when they are in a good, understanding mood.

Food is slightly better, too. They will still eat a quart of yogurt every day if I let them, but they are less compulsive. The first day, one of them drank a half gallon of milk. They don't ask for a snack constantly or ask me to eat at a restaurant every day. I am also discovering more of what they like (cauliflower! beets!). There are still things that I don't understand about why they will or will not eat something, but it's better.

The first week or two or three was a flurry of discovery for them. They bounced from toy to toy, inside to outside. I had to lock the cars, otherwise they would sit in the cars, honking and setting off the car alarm. I had whiplash from trying to keep up. We're playing a boardgame, NO! Let's go up in the haymow. Books, read books! Car. HONK! HONK! I'm hungry, yogurt! All in 15 minutes or so. Now they are content to play with their kittens and ride their bikes most of the day. Everything is starting to calm down. For the most part. Or maybe I'm just getting used to chaos.

They're also doing a good job of keeping their bedrooms clean and following house rules, like not wearing shoes in the house and clearing their dishes from the table.

Here are some funny things I actually remember:

David: "Why does London have a girl king?"
David: When making grilled cheese sandwiched, "Big (lots of) butter is good."
Roxy: "How many days Happy Birthday to you?" which means how many days until her birthday. She asks every day, but it's getting really close!
David: when hearing that we think we have skunks living under our garage, "Me look at skunks. If they spray me, I will take a shower."
Roxy: "Cats no like showers." How does she know?!
I also hear "me smart" on a regular basis from both of them

They got a letter from their Polish auntie and some of their friends this week. David had been feeling like his friends forgot about him, so he was overjoyed to get the letter. And I may have teared up a little when I read the letter from a boy, the one David talks about the most, because he signed it, "From your best friend."  Bryan and I can do our best, but we can't change the facts. And that facts are that these kids have lost some important things. No matter what we can give them, we can't replace some things.