Happy birthday, Roxy!

Thursday, Roxy turned 6. For days she had been counting down to her birthday. When it finally arrived, she was excited. I had all these dreams of creating fun birthday traditions, but unfortunately, months ago, I had scheduled an important meeting on the night of her birthday. So, we had to adjust. Bryan stayed home with them while I worked in the morning. Then they picked me up at work in the early afternoon so we could enjoy the Children's Discovery Museum, ice cream (both generously given to us by my second year students), back to work for the meeting, and then out for pizza. Bryan is very good at giving flowers, so Roxy got a special delivery of flowers and balloons. She was also excited to get a card - with a kitten on it! - from my aunt.

I taught her, ...You live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you act like one, too. She thought it was funny when I sang it, but did not like David singing it. So we had to sing the regular version.

Saturday, my family got together, so I thought it would be a good time to celebrate Roxy's birthday. I made a cake. And it was a sorry excuse for a cake, if I have ever seen one. I thought about putting it on Pinterest, just to see what would happen (and to make other people feel good about themselves). But she was excited about it anyway and gobbled up 3 pieces through the day.

Friday, Bryan and I took the evening off. For the first time since April 18, someone else put the kids to bed. Since it went so well, I think we'll do it again. Anyway, during our quiet time, we were able to have some uninterrupted conversations, including one of the following.

One of us frequently annoys the other. I - I mean, the person who annoys the other - asked Bryan (oops, I mean the person who gets annoyed) whether I was annoying him as often as I used to. 

"No," he said, "you don't have time to annoy me. Actually," he continued, sounding disappointed, "I don't even have time to get offended. I probably won't be able to find time to be offended until they're 18."

If you don't know us that well, you probably won't think that conversation is as funny as I do. I thought it was hysterical.

The kids have been heard speaking in English to each other, which is something that hasn't happened before.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that we babysat Baby J for a few hours this week. It was so good to see him, even if he cried when I took him from his dad :(. The kids did really well with him, too, and asked when we could watch him again.

Cat and Mouse

If there is anything more boring than reading one of my blog posts, it's reading a blog post without pictures...again. Uploading pictures is low on my priority list right now, so pictureless blog posts are probably a fact of life for awhile.

How about a recap?

Thursday, last. Roxy slammed the door so hard that it broke. They were stuck outside; I was stuck inside. The front door wouldn't open either, so I let them come in and out through the window until Bryan got home and rescued us.

Sunday. I think this was the day that the kids called me out to the garage to look at a mouse that was sitting on the garage steps. You know I love the kids if I actually looked at a rodent on purpose. I did look and gave a grimace-smile and walked away, my brain vaguely registering something I heard about "spray." When I went back to the garage a few minutes later, there was green spray paint on the steps with a mouse-shape in natural wood showing through the John Deere green. Mouse stencil. Nice. I later found out they also spray painted the lawnmower.

Monday. It was the kind of day that, if we had a dog, it would have died or at least run away. As it was, the microwave door refused to open (two sticks of butter are still inside). I went all "Laura Ingalls Wilder" and melted the butter in a pan on a stovetop. The waffle iron limped along, but didn't quite finish the batch, in rebellion to its near-daily use, I am sure. And we had to wash some extra bedding (two beds' worth, if you know what I mean). Oh, and Bryan's truck isn't working. I woke up at 4:30, and David woke up at 5:30. And since someone got up on the wrong side of the bed, our morning started off with some fireworks due to something that had happened the night before.

And you know what? The day just kept getting better. Really. I spent some one-on-one time with David. I got to see a glimpse of his heart and his willingness to forgive, even when he was hurt by what he doesn't understand. And I got to see generous people in action. And see my kids developing relationships with their cousins. It was good.

This week, the kids got two kittens. David's black cat is named Tiger Socks Aberle. Roxy's orange cat is named Kitty Tiger Socks Aberle. Sometimes the names change, but Tiger is always the black cat. That makes me laugh. They love those cats. They build houses for them, feed them, haul them around, and want us to adore them just as much as they do. Bryan doesn't like cats, so it's really funny when David hands Tiger Socks off to Bryan and demands that Bryan cuddle the cat.

Wednesday. We spent most of the day at the hospital for some tests. I don't have all the results, but I'm not expecting anything crazy. Both kids did so well.

The rest of the week was a blur.

Thanks to some sweet people, I finally feel like my house is kind of organized. That makes things seem more manageable. And it feels like such progress.

But I have so much more progress to share with you. Our kids rarely cry when they are physically hurt. Even when they are hurt, they usually don't come to us. Last night, there was a bike collision, and David fared the worst. I was in the house and Roxy came in. "Mom? Come. David bike." I went out to see David crying over skinned palms and a skinned knee. Most kids would have cried over that. But he burned his finger pretty badly a few weeks ago and didn't cry at all. It felt like such progress that 1) he cried and 2) they decided needed a parent to comfort them.

When we first got home, the kids wouldn't sleep well if we weren't upstairs, too. That meant an early bedtime for us or a late bedtime for them. Now they must feel safer, because we usually have no problems getting them to bed. We still have to sneak down in the morning and usually don't make it. David is awake before 6 almost every morning. Because I am concerned he is not getting enough sleep, we have a new rule: He is supposed to stay in his room until 6 am. He has books and Legos and can play quietly while the rest of us enjoy some quiet time/sleep. We will see how that works. I have to be careful to explain rules when they are in a good, understanding mood.

Food is slightly better, too. They will still eat a quart of yogurt every day if I let them, but they are less compulsive. The first day, one of them drank a half gallon of milk. They don't ask for a snack constantly or ask me to eat at a restaurant every day. I am also discovering more of what they like (cauliflower! beets!). There are still things that I don't understand about why they will or will not eat something, but it's better.

The first week or two or three was a flurry of discovery for them. They bounced from toy to toy, inside to outside. I had to lock the cars, otherwise they would sit in the cars, honking and setting off the car alarm. I had whiplash from trying to keep up. We're playing a boardgame, NO! Let's go up in the haymow. Books, read books! Car. HONK! HONK! I'm hungry, yogurt! All in 15 minutes or so. Now they are content to play with their kittens and ride their bikes most of the day. Everything is starting to calm down. For the most part. Or maybe I'm just getting used to chaos.

They're also doing a good job of keeping their bedrooms clean and following house rules, like not wearing shoes in the house and clearing their dishes from the table.

Here are some funny things I actually remember:

David: "Why does London have a girl king?"
David: When making grilled cheese sandwiched, "Big (lots of) butter is good."
Roxy: "How many days Happy Birthday to you?" which means how many days until her birthday. She asks every day, but it's getting really close!
David: when hearing that we think we have skunks living under our garage, "Me look at skunks. If they spray me, I will take a shower."
Roxy: "Cats no like showers." How does she know?!
I also hear "me smart" on a regular basis from both of them

They got a letter from their Polish auntie and some of their friends this week. David had been feeling like his friends forgot about him, so he was overjoyed to get the letter. And I may have teared up a little when I read the letter from a boy, the one David talks about the most, because he signed it, "From your best friend."  Bryan and I can do our best, but we can't change the facts. And that facts are that these kids have lost some important things. No matter what we can give them, we can't replace some things.

Home for one month

Now that we've been home for one month, I've had time to reflect on our time in Poland and compare it here. Poland was challenging because we didn't speak the language, it was very "intense" parenting, and we were still getting to know each other.

Well, we're still getting to know each other. Even though we have some relief and speak the language here, we still have to deal with intense parenting...along with all our other responsibilities. When I think about what things were at the beginning, we have come a long way.

How is it going? We hear that often. I usually say that things are going well considering how much has changed. But it's still challenging. There are days when I can't remember if I showered. I rarely get more than 6 hours of sleep, I stay up late almost every night, and I'm usually up early. We're still building trust. Several times each day, David asks me to repeat something I said. "Are you telling me the truth? Are you really?" That is something I didn't expect...I never doubted my parents told me the truth. It also feels strange to me that other parents can communicate to their children in the same language without doing charades or using Google Translate.

It is exhausting, but we're settling into a routine, of sorts. When we were first home, I felt that I had to be with them for every minute they were awake (they had no judgment of safety or anything else). Now I stay in the house sometimes and can watch them through the window for a few minutes.
Things usually go much better when I play with them for several hours a day. They can entertain themselves, but not for long.

We went to the doctor last week for a routine, welcome-to-the-country visit. The kids had to have lots of blood drawn to check for the usual orphanage culprits plus some shots. Roxy was not a fan. She had to be held down and when it was over, she gently kicked anyone who came close to her. We have some followup testing/appointments, but everything seems to be okay. We also took Roxy to an opthalmologist today. She was born with her eye lenses in the wrong place, so she has never been able to see well. They told us that she would have been blind if the lenses were lower in her eye, so we are really grateful that she can see as well as she does. Actually, they said her eyes were quite healthy-looking which made us happy. She needs a weaker prescription for her glasses which should help her lazy eye, too. Next week we have more appointments, but hopefully they're easy!

Our social worker also came over this week to do our 30 day check. We have to do three more annual visits and then I think we're all done. Anyway, everything was fine.

Life is busy and full and more exciting than it ever was before :).

Polish-English-isms

We took the kids to church on Sunday. David is so much more social and said that he didn't want Bryan to come with him to Sunday School next Sunday. Roxy, on the other hand, didn't make all the way through. We'll try again next Sunday.

Today, I went to work while Bryan watched them. He lit a candle and came in later to find the candle out, with wispy smoke drifting to the ceiling. "No fire house," said David, seriously. Bryan looked in the candle and found a raw egg - a raw EGG! inside. We take fire prevention seriously around here.

The sheep arrived back home at 6:30 am on Monday. I knew they arrived when David rushed back in the house: "SHEEP! SHEEP!" They spent most of the day in the barn, watching the sheep.

They are learning more English. The other day, I lawfully passed someone. When I crossed into the other lane, David said, "Mama, NO!"

"Just a second," Roxy said the other day. She also says "oops" or "oopsie" a lot.

But the funniest thing is when Bryan suddenly disappeared from the dinner table recently.

"Where is Dad?" David said in Polish. 

"I don't know." (In English.)

"Say (in Polish), "Honey, where are you? (in English)" In case you didn't get that, I must say, "Honey, where are you?" a lot.

They also wear "flip flap flops" sometimes.

The next week will be busy. We have some doctors' appointments and our caseworker is coming for our 30 day report vist.

Routines and games

I think the wedding weekend went well. The kids, especially Roxy, didn't really want to talk to anyone, but they were comfortable enough to run around without us. I hope that's a good sign. Part of me thinks they should be a little apprehensive, because that would show more connection. But I don't know. 

We did have to take a break on Saturday and stay home. I've noticed that things go much better when they have enough sleep and eat more nutritious meals. Makes sense, right?

I think things are improving a lot. Part of it definitely has to do with finally getting over jet leg and settling into a routine. Kind of. Still a lot of work to do there, but we're making progress. We have moments where America gets a literal thumbs down, and they want to go back to Poland. And the parents get a thumbs down, too, sometimes, but since it's usually because I won't let them eat unlimited ice cream or go to Dairy Queen every day, I think that's okay. We're working on a lot of things, even if the kids don't know it :).

One of the kids' favorite games is "Bus." Using sidewalk chalk, they drew bus stops at various points along the driveway. They will "pick" me up at various locations. While they ride their bikes, I walk behind them. Then they drop me off at a different bus stop. Did I mention these bus rides are expensive? Sometimes I have to pay up to $7 dollars. (Fortunately, I can use fake money. Whew!)

I think I forgot to mention that Roxy taught herself to ride a bike since she's been home. And she loves it!

They also like to play "gotcha" which means they ride their bikes and I chase them. On foot. Don't they know how old I am? Needless to say, I never catch them unless I am very, very sneaky. 

They like driving with the windows down, until we drive past yet another pig building. "Ew! Pigs!" They yell as they quickly roll up the windows. 

They both keep asking when we're going to get our sheep back and said that they will each have their own. And Roxy cuddles cats whenever she can. We probably should get some more animals again soon.

Settled in at home - one week.

I am writing this post, one paragraph at a time. So if you think it seems choppy, it is! Sometimes I get just one paragraph in every other day.

When Bryan went back to work, the kids asked me every hour when he was coming home. When his truck pulled into the drive, the kids chased the truck. "Tata! Tata!" And when he got out of the truck, they both gave him hugs.

"Do you feel loved?" I said.

"Yes." He smiled. "I do."

Sunday afternoon, we took the kids for a drive. We showed them their school, grandparents' houses, some of their aunts and uncles' houses, church, and went to Dairy Queen. Roxy responded particularly well to one of her aunts. I think it may have had something to do with chocolate/peanut butter buckeyes, but I am not sure :).

I thought they did pretty well. It was nice to get out of the house.

Unfortunately, David does not require a lot of sleep. I had great hopes of getting things done early in the morning before they woke up. One morning, I went downstairs at 5 am to get ready for my eagerly awaited quiet time. And about five minutes later, I heard little feet coming down the stairs. Seriously?! He doesn't sleep much, but I know he is tired. We're trying to figure out where all the creaks are on the stairs so we don't wake him.

A few days later, I took the kids out again for a short time. They did well again.

I've been trying to play with the kids as much as possible. So our days are filled with bike rides, board games, hide-and-go-seek, and eating.

They like to go to both grandparents' homes. Bryan's mom and dad have a Great Pyrenees. So they request to go see Grandpa's beeeeg dog often.

Since coming home, we've used more bandaids, eaten more cheese, and washed more clothes. The kids are discovering everything about their environment which means the water hydrant, car alarm, microwave, and every other electronic gadget in the house are inspected multiple times. I follow them around everywhere, because they think of many things to do that I can't even imagine.

I think the kids are doing well, considering they have been taken away from everything they have ever known. However, that does not mean that it's not without challenges. We are trying to figure out a routine, clarify our expectations to the kids, make a schedule, and find places for all their things.

We are planning to attend my sister's wedding this weekend. Maybe we will see you there!

Welcome to the USA!

I had a couple of requests to update the blog for a while after we're home, so here is an update.

On our last night in Poland, we were stopped by a police officer for jaywalking. While we were crossing the street in the wrong place, I was thinking of the story I'd heard from another adoptive family about getting stopped for jaywalking, and then when we reached the other side, a friendly police officer was waiting for us. An ironic twist.

He started talking and gesturing and I kept asking if he knew English. He gave up very quickly. Lesson: when in Poland, only cross the street in approved areas :). Oh, and not speaking the language is helpful a few times.

The kids were awake before five the next morning, though I talked them into sleeping for another hour. We finished packing, cleaned a little, then hit one last recommended place to grab a bit to eat, a little doughnut shop.

Then our incountry coordinator was there to pick us up at 9:30. We went over her invoice for her services. Then we were on our way to the airport. On the way there, her car started acting crazy. Bryan diagnosed an alternator problem. We hit every red light on the way to the airport as more and more warning signals showed up on her dashboard. Bryan and I didn't say anything, but we were both tense. Would we make it in time?

We did. Then we got in the wrong line at the airport (the one that didn't move), so we were afraid we would miss our flight. Finally, some guy yelled, "Hey, who's going to Chicago?" We jumped ahead in line, grateful to have made our flight. By the time we got to our gate, we had to wait about 20 minutes.

Once we got on the plane, I leaned over to Bryan and said (for the third time), "We made it." The kids didn't sleep at all on the plane, and other than using the facilities every hour, they did a great job. 

We landed, went through customs, collected our luggage, and took our precious folder with all the kids' info to the agent. (The envelopes were sealed and we were warned by four people NOT to open the envelopes. If you open them, you can't leave the airport and must go back to the other country. Which would be really annoying.) Once he processed the paperwork, the kids became US citizens. They will retain dual citizenship. And the US embassy lady suggested that, if we travel back to Poland before the kids turn 18, they should travel on Polish passports.

Then we waited for the grandmas to pick us up. On the way home, both kids fell asleep. And Roxy would sleep for 13 straight hours.

When we got home, David woke up, walked around for a bit, before falling back asleep.

Bryan and I tried to keep ourselves awake until 8:30 (3:30 am Polish time). I slept 4 hours. And David was up by 3 am. He was hungry, of course.

It was really fun to give the kids a tour of their house and the land. It's really different from what they're used to...not a McDonald's in sight! It melted my heart to see and hear the sound of children - our children - at our house.

Our house is a total disaster. I am trying to figure out where to put all their toys and how to organize their clothes. I'll also clean the floors...when I find them. 

They've been playing outside. Swinging from the rope in the hayloft, using our reel lawnmower, spraying each other with water (Roxy is on her 5th outfit already today), running through the grass, and playing with toys. 

We were told that there could be a honeymoon period of good behavior, followed by some crazy things. But they seem to be doing fine for now. We've had a few visitors. They are very shy at first (this is good!), especially with adults. 

We're trying to take it slow, but it appears that things are going to go reasonably well.